Tag: animal

Ringpet Turns Your Pets Into 3D Printed Rings

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Ringpet Turns Your Pets Into 3D Printed Rings
Turn your pet into a 3D ring! A company from japan, called RingPet wants you to wear your pets on your fingers. Just register on the Ringpet website and upload a few photographs of your pet taken from various angles and Ringpet does the rest.

Does ringworm count? I was rocking ring-worm long before it became fashionable. I’m gonna send them pictures of my cat, Mr. Fluff N Stuff. Then I’m gonna order like 10 rings and have two sweet sets of Kitty brass knuckles. You mess with me you incur the wrath of 10 vicious Kitties on two fists of furry. I mean fury.

Who am I kidding? I’ll probably just put on a finger puppet show for the cats in the neighborhood. I like to give back. They have given me so much. Fleas, cat scratch fever, poop on my floor…

The LAMBAG Lamb Purse Is Not For The Sheepish

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lamb bag
The LAMBAG is not for the sheepish. This lamb purse is perfect for people on the lamb. I’m gonna call him Lambert and take him with me when I go shopping. “You can’t bring that in here!” The hell I can’t. You have your purse and I have mine. Next you’ll be asking me to remove my high heels and take off my makeup. It’s a GD police state!

“No sir. It’s not the dead animal on your hip, but all of the lamb and sheep puns we object too.”

Stares stunned. “Bah!” Walks out.
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Rattlesnake Skeleton Kit

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Rattlesnake Skeleton Kit
Man, this is one scary-ass Rattlesnake Skeleton Kit. They are actually scarier on the inside. This scale model recreates the bone structure of the Rattlesnake. Allow me to recreate my reaction to seeing this on my desk:

*Screams at the top of my lungs! Then smashes it into a million pieces while yelling for someone to call zombie pest control. Then breaths heavily while looking at the pulverized remains.* It’s okay honey. I killed it. I hope we stockpiled enough food to get through this nightmare. There’s bound to be more of them.

That was your birthday present you A**hole! And I hope you stockpiled enough sex to get you through the month while you sleep on the couch. Because there’s bound to be NONE!
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Sloth in a Matchbox

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etsy sloth in a matchbox
Hey a Sloth in a Matchbox. He looks super comfy in there too. Makes me think of my dear departed grandmother. She used to always say, “Get up you lazy idiot. You’re like a sloth in a matchbox!” Yeah, too bad I’m not a sloth in a matchbox wearing headphones you old- Then the frying pan would hit me in the head.

That’s horrible. You said departed. When did your grandmother die?

Die? Look at this knot on my skull. Does that look like she left this Earth? She got this sloth out of the matchbox and departed for the grocery store. That crazy old bat. Is it odd that I like to sleep on matchstick shavings? Now if you’ll excuse me this sloth is going back to bed. Extinguish all lit cigarettes please.

Realistic Animal Lollipops

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realistic animal lollipops
These Realistic Animal Lollipops were created by Amezaiku artist Shinri Tezuka. Amezaiku is the Japanese craft of lollipop-making, which dates back to the 700s. Wow, humans have been sucking for a long time. I thought it was just the younger generation. You learn something new everyday. And then you forget it, because you get distracted by other weird stuff.

So Shinri Tezuka makes realistic lollipops for the suckers who visit his Tokyo shop. Hey, that’s what they are. Me? I don’t suck mine, I like to lick it all day long and savor it. Hey! What’s so funny? I like lollipops. I take my time. Unlike that Tootsie Pop Owl.

How many licks does it take to get to the center of your goldfish pop? Let’s find out. a-one *lick* a-two *lick* three *chomp* What in the seven kingdoms of candy hell? That’s a real goldfish!
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