Tag: cool

Hatching Dinosaur Candle

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Hatching Dinosaur Candle
This Hatching Dinosaur Candle is adorable. Things hatching from eggs are always cute. Except cockroaches. F them! Seriously. Look at that little guy just breaking free from his egg. Is that a T-Rex? Cuz he totally T-Wrecked that egg! Sorry about that bad joke. I wasn’t gonna type it, but it was a Jurassic lark.

Anyway, candles that are also dinosaurs hatching? Dreams do come true peeps. This is the whole life cycle in one candle right here. Egg, lit candle, dinosaur lives for awhile, then dinosaur is engulfed in flame and melts. Life and death. It really makes ya think about how precious life is. How fleeting. We should all be kind to-

*Ding*

Pop Tarts are ready! Woo-Hooo. Later peeps.

Creepy And Cool Garbage Pail Kids Art Prints

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Creepy And Cool Garbage Pail Kids Art
These Garbage Pail Kids Art Prints from cultclassicsaz are pretty cool. When I was a kid, I used to think Garbage Pail Kids were the dudes responsible for picking up the trash from the curb. Everytime I would see the trash guy I would be like, “Where’s your kids?” and the dude would ignore me. So I asked again and again and again, every trash day. “Where’s your kids mister?” “I want to see your kids!” “What did you do with your kids?”

Until the dude picked me up by my shirt and said, “You wanna know where my kids are? My kids live with their mother cuz I’m a loser and I drink too much. I’m 3 months behind on alimony and I’m a s**t human being. I regret my entire life. My kids are better off, that’s where they are. Tonight I’m gonna go home and drink until I pass out. Then I’m gonna do the same day over again and wonder where my kids are myself ya little puke. Now get out of here!”

Mommy! Mommy! I think I found daddy!
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These Kraken Heels Are Tenta-Cool

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Unleash The Kraken... Heels
What’s Kraken baby? Your Kraken Heels that’s what? Now you can unleash it whenever you open your closet and put these bad boys on. When you wear a creature from the abyss, the abyss looks back at you. Cuz these shoes have eyes. I feel like a heel after typing that. These shoes are tenta-cool and hopefully not tenta-cruel to your feet. Now you will be taking each step with your tootsies wrapped in the cold and slimy embrace of a sea monster.

If your shoes have eyes, you are looking up your own skirt. Just saying. I hope you get a good eyeful of your own stuff.

Gold Gilded Bat Necklace

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Gold Gilded Bat Necklace
Sweet! A Gold Gilded Bat Necklace. I’ve read all of the folklore, researched every legend surrounding this artifact. Now it’s mine. *Moves my hands like Indy trying to judge the weight of the golden idol.* OW! Damnit! Hurt my hand reaching into the screen, trying to snatch it.

Seriously though, the legend of the Gold Gilded Bat Necklace goes way back to Bab-Bologna-ian times. It was first worn by Bertha Batty Butt, bat-nosed Queen of a long forgotten dynasty. She ruled with an iron fist, a big butt and an army of bats, who also had big butts. It impaired flight. Probably why her rule was so short.

See, it’s not always about me being stupid. Sometimes you learn stuff.

Cute And Creepy: Little Winter Bats

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Cute And Creepy Little Winter Bats
Winter Bats wear winter hats and like to terrorize winter cats. I think I heard that somewhere. Anyway, it’s time to prepare for winter. Do you have your winter boots? Winter hat? Winter Bat? I guess you’re all set. Unlike me who always waits until December to get my winter bats and then they are always sold out. I feel like a real idiot too, walking in the snow while everyone else’s winter bats hold up their scarfs by the ends like birds flapping around Cinderella. Me? My scarf just hangs there. *Sad face.*

Why the sad face? You could order one right now.

Hmmmm… Nah. I got time.