Tag: decoration

Just Another Pot Head

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pot head
This is a Pot Head. This is also your brain while looking at a Pot Head.*Cracks an egg and fries it* It is the creation of Etsy seller museumofwonder, which is impressive. Because most people have to give birth to a Pot Head and let him ferment until his teen years when he starts experimenting. That’s what my parents did anyway.

Stupid Pot Head! Every time I try to cook in you, the food drips out of your mouth and nose like you’re listening to Pink Floyd and drooling. I wouldn’t care so much, except it usually starts a fire.

Garden Critter Solar Lights

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garden critter solar lights
You know those garden gnomes you have? They need some backup in order to keep your garden safe. These new Garden Critter Solar Lights will round out your garden nicely and besides, it will look like a damn Pixar movie in front of your house all day long. At night too, because these gopher and raccoon sculptures wear glasses that light up at night.

I would say these are perfect to keep animated bad guys from your garden. I’m gonna use them to illuminate a path to my door because my night vision isn’t so good.

My doctor is all like “Do you drink at night?” and I’m all like “Every night. Hence the night vision problem. Duh! What did they teach you in med school?” Then he takes the finger out and snaps his latex glove off. He’s all like, “So your cholesterol levels look fine then. See me again in two days.”

Sweet! He’s the best Doctor on Craigslist by far.

Zombie Toilet Brush and Zombie Head Holder Set

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zombie head toilet brush holder
This Zombie Toilet Brush and Zombie Head Holder Set is just what you need to keep a clean toilet during the zombie apocalypse. And you have a lot to keep clean ever since you made the local gas station restroom your HQ.

You’ll be sitting and squeezing in the last stall on the right, cramping up something fierce as you try to unload your cargo after 4 burritos and a Mountain Dew. And those zombies pushing at the barred door aren’t making it any easier to unleash your crap kraken. But rest easy knowing that as soon as you drop that load of diarrhea like a mud meteor, you can walk over to that door nice and calm, open it and shoot some corpses dead again until all is quiet. Then you can clean up the mess you made all over that stall and seeping into the next, with this toilet brush set and vow to eat better.

Sadly, you won’t be wiping between your mud-flaps since the nearest toilet paper is 2 towns away. But at least your restroom HQ is a little cleaner.
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Beer And Soda Can Lamps

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mountain dew lamp
Etsy seller LicenseToCraft makes all kinds of cool lamps that are apparently designed for 30 year old nerds who plan on dying in their mother’s basement. You know, like this Mountain Dew lamp pictured above. Yeah, the one with the green shade made from pull tabs that look like a bunch of green alien heads. If that isn’t enough, look at the light this thing casts! That’s like 100 alien grey heads on the wall! All huddled together like an invasion force. Holy sh*t I am wigging the f**k out! You see that right?

If you think that’s no big deal, check out the Monster energy drink lamp below, casting what looks like a bunch of hooded demons against the wall! This is some serious illuminati(on) stuff right here! No wonder this drink gives people nose bleeds.

The Red Bull lamp projects some kind of weird bird creatures. It’s time for me to leave the internet for awhile. Thanks for making me trip balls internet!
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Hot Dog Bun Doggie Bed: Your Wiener Dog Needs More Mustard

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hot dog bun bedWhen you have a hot dog, you need a cool bun. No, that’s not right. If you have a cool dog, you need a hot dog…bun. No, wait. I can do this. I have been trained in the blogging arts.

*Reaches zen place* If you have a Wiener dog, you need a hot dog bun bed!

Ha! I knew I could do it, despite the fact that I have only had 3 fingers of whiskey today and one middle finger of vengeance when I sideswiped that little fat guy in a cart in the Walmart parking lot. Real cars have the right of way pal! Anyway, I never got a good look at the guy’s face since my rear view mirror smacked into it.

But I digress. You came here to see fun and weird caca that you can buy. Well, behold the Hot Dog Bun Doggie Bed. All of the condiments are on it already. You just need to supply the Wiener dog. In fact, if you click through, you can see an actual Wiener dog in the bun. Aren’t you lucky? Yes you are! Who’s the lucky little Creepbay reader? You so cute!
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