Tag: etsy

Rocking Taxidermy Goat

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Rocking Taxidermy Goat
If the goat is rockin’ don’t come a knockin’. This Rocking Taxidermy Goat is definitely rocking. He’s pretty horny too, meaning that he has great big horns. Not meaning the other thing. What did you think I was implying? *Sigh.* That really get’s my goat. Get’s my goat and gets it rocking. The seller named it Mason. Obviously they never set it free, because that would have made him a Freemason. Can’t have that. Also, you can’t free something that is dead, so there’s that. The seller says:

Mason the rocking goat has a 300 lb threshold. Even your drunk uncle Louie can go for a whirl.

First, how did you know I had a drunk Uncle Louie and second, no he can’t, cuz he is tipping the scales at 400.

Handmade Button Skull With Denture Teeth

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Handmade Button Skull With Denture Teeth
Button your lip.

No, you button your lip!

You button your whole skull.

Fine I will. Then I’ll sell it on etsy.

And sew the Handmade Button Skull With Denture Teeth was born. See what I did there. I am am sew talented. This buttoned down skull has some real chompers. He’s all buttons and bite. And bone. You might say he’s a glutton for buttons.

Fun fact: At first I typed gluten, which which only rhymes with Putin. But I went with glutton so I could keep this blog gluten free. You know, for the vegans. But then I went and explained myself to you and now I have gluten in the blog. Great! Now we aren’t gluten free. I hope you’re happy. Vegans will be pissed at me now.

Turkey Man Mask

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Turkey Man Mask
Turkey Man is a superhuman turkey created in an experiment at the Perdue labs in 1976. He flew the coop and went on the run, living off the grid and saving humans in danger, ultimately becoming the hero and savior of Chick-tropolis, where he battled such foes as the Hob-Gobbler, Bizarro Colonel Sanders and both Frank and Jim Perdue. His good deeds earned him a presidential pardon on Thanksgiving of 1986. Now you can look just like this awesome hero and maybe even ruffle a few villainous feathers.

Weird Earbrow Capelet

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Weird Earbrow Capelet
If you’re looking for a fashion accessory that has ears and eyebrows this Weird Earbrow Capelet is for you. Earbrows are so this season. New from designer Tommy Shillfigure. Or is it Christian Di-ear? I have no idea. I’m not gonna buy. I was just… browsing.
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Pinhead Bunny

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Pinhead Bunny
Holy Jeebus! Pinhead Bunny scares the hell out of me more than raising it. Get it? Hellraiser? Is it Hellraiser or Hellrazor? Nah, that’s just the devil’s Gillette. Anyway, this ain’t no funny bunny? You might call him Hare-raiser! Get it? Man, I crack myself up. Those eyes. That face. That’s gonna be in my nightmares tonight, stoked by the warm fire that is the quart of gin I drank to forget I ever saw this thing. Dude broght his own knives and everything.

I have a plan though. When this thing shows up in my dreams to gnaw at my bones with it’s buck teeth, I’m gonna trick him and Freddy Krueger into killing each other. Then I will finally be at peace. Can’t a guy sleep for one night without freaky freaks invading his dreams?