Tag: halloween

Decomposing Bunny And Kitty Dishes

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

decomposing kitty dishAre you a Gloomy Gus? A Morbid Madge? Well, I would advise changing your name. Who the hell named you? Your mom or the guys that make the Garbage Pail Kids? Well, with a name like that you’ll love these decomposing bunny and kitty dishes. These decomposing bunny and kitty dishes will give you all the rotting with none of the stink.

You also get all of the stuff that helps the decomposition process. Like snails, bugs, mushrooms and fungi. Really? Doesn’t sound like a fun guy to me.

These dishes are educational and will scare your house guests. If you’re like me, that’s important. Sure, stop by. Just make sure you tell me a quick story and get the hell out. I got stuff to do, like trolling forums and criticizing movies that aren’t out yet. Ah, the internet age. It gave my life such meaning.
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Joker And Henchmen Clown Mask Set

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joker henchmen clown mask
“Why so serious?” Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because you waltzed in here and just robbed my bank wearing freaky clown masks. Look, I’ve only been bank manager for less than a week. You think you could rob somebody else so I don’t lose my job? I’ll even give you a sweet low interest loan Mr. Joker. A great mortgage rate? You know what? F**k it. I’m gonna get a mask just like every other freak in Gotham and I’m gonna start robbing people. The Batman can’t catch us all right?

These limited edition Joker gang masks based on The Dark Knight movie are no joke. In fact, they look pretty scary. (Fun story. I accidentally typed “Joker bang masks” and I saw images of naked people in my head. Wearing these clown faces. All piled on each other and gyrating.) These $766. masks are form fitting and will transform you into one of the Clown Prince of Crime’s many henchmen. You should be fine as long as you don’t, you know, wear them to your bank, or while boarding a plane and whatnot. Check out Joker mouse over here for a good laugh at the clown prince of crime.
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Frankenstein Flowerpots

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frankenstein flower pot
It’s alive! It’s alive with flowers! This Frankenstein Flowerpot is pretty much what it would look like if the villagers with torches and pitchforks buried Franky in the ground up to his neck. Naturally they hollowed out his skull and used it as a flowerpot, because that’s what you do when a freakish monster shows up in your village.

Or you can do like my wife did. Take one for the village and marry the monster. Feed it tasteless gruel. And when it asks for sex, ignore it and sneer. Soon it will lose the will to live. *sighs* Such is marriage. I-Am-Not-A-Monster!

Skeleton Pocket Watch

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skeleton pocket watch
Hey, what time is it? Half past this dude’s ribs and a quarter to his spine. This stylish pocket watch is all dangling skull and bones- That reminds me. I really should check in on Grandma. Old dangling skull and bones herself. The smells the neighbors reported are not good. Then again, she’s been known to have a sever flatulence problem. Usually have to bring a canary with me just to see if it’s safe to enter. It’s usually not, which is why I have no idea what she’s doing in there. I just add the dead canary and the cage to the pile in the hallway and slowly back away, while holding my breath.

Moving on. This pocket watch is all ribs. Perfect if your name is Jack the Ribber and you have no idea what time it is. That’s a terrible joke. Not even funny. Hey, excuse me! I’m worried about my grandma here.

Update: Just called her. *Blah blah blah. Can’t get up. Cats are nipping at me. Pool of my own filth etc etc.* Wait. If that was the smell, what killed the canaries? *Oh, I fell in the kitchen and I’ve had nothing but tacos for a week. squeeeeaaak-pfffft*

Damn it grandma!

Anyway. Skeleton Pocket watch. It’s friggin’ cool looking!
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Mummified Baby Bird Feeder

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mummified baby bird feeder
Damn that’s nasty! Don’t have a mummified corpse to put in your yard so that birds and squirrels can feed from it’s dead body? No problem. Etsy seller AutumnsOddities has you covered. Your yard animals will love this Mummified Baby Bird Feeder.

Basically it makes it look like you left your kid permanently unattended in your yard until little Bobby or Susie has become squirrel food. Just fill it up with bird seed and then watch nature do it’s nasty thing. Just remember, they’ll be pecking at you next while you try to sip some lemonade in the backyard.
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