Tag: halloween

Checkers Board Game Dress

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checkers dress costume
This Checkers Dress is pretty awesome. I’m a wiz at checkers. Jump, jump, jump, jump, king me baby! How about we play Connect Four instead? Do you have that dress? No? The problem with a Connect Four dress is that all of the pieces usually fall out of the bottom while you’re out doing your stuff.

The problem with this dress? I see no problems. If I win you take the dress off. If you win, I take my dress off. Cool?

Pro tip: If you have this dress, don’t get rid of it, otherwise you’ll have a checkered past.

I won! Where? There, diagonally! Very sneaky sis!

Fill ‘Em Full Of Lead With The Zombie Pencil/Pen Holder

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

zombie pen holder
Man this feels so good! I killed my first zombie. Take that you undead puke! Just filled him full of lead! *You shot him?* Well, I stabbed him with my pencil. *You’re an idiot!*

Yeah, well you don’t have a zombie corpse on your desk. I’m a stone cold killer! I am the man! I am slightly afraid to remove the pencil though. Can you do it? He might bite my finger. *Why, is his name Charlie?* Haha, you’re funny! Thank you Mister voice in my head. Thank you for teaching me how to love and laugh again!

This Bloody Pillow Is Bloody Soft

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bloody pillow
Use this Bloody Pillow to prank your friends into thinking they are walking into a murder scene, because nothing says friendship like simulating murder and pretending to be a corpse lying in your own blood. I’m not judging. Different strokes for different folks.

I’m gonna buy it because it’s soft and comfy, not because it makes it look like I am bleeding from the head. If anyone happens to see me napping and call the cops, it wouldn’t be the first time. Of course last time it was because I just overdosed on red skittles and tomato juice while at the beach. Odd combination? Sure, but you gotta get your daily intake of vegetables in somehow. I had been drooling for like two hours. I vaguely remember Greenpeace saying they had never seen a whale so grotesque, but after that I blacked out.

Ribcage Hand Tooled Leather Skeleton Corset Belt

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

leather skeleton corset
The Ribcage Hand Tooled Leather Skeleton Corset Belt will make it look like you are getting a permanent X-Ray. Every guy who checks you out will want diagnose you. Can’t be helped. Just trying to be helpful and spot any potential problems.

Can you step in front of that light please? *studies the ribs* Hmmmm. Interesting. *calls another guy over* What do you think of that? I agree, that could be a problem. Now get out of here. I need some alone time with the patient. I suggest we operate right away, because I’m a smooth operator. Surgeon? No, I’m no surgeon honey. I thought you said, “Sir, gin”. So, where’s my gin? Nevermind. I’ll have to operate quickly, making it as painless as possible. You other guys can watch and learn. *Clears throat* Well, hello there. Can I have your number? See, you’ve got my heart all locked up in your ribcage. I think we can sort this out by getting together this Saturday night. *Wiggles eyebrows*
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Limited Edition Classic Monster Garter Belt

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

universal monsters garter belt
Oh my stars and garters! Whatever that means. All I know is that this Limited Edition Classic Monster Garter Belt is sexy time with monsters, which as it happens is also the name of my new band. Basically the idea is that we get up on stage and dry hump a bunch of monster props. I’m in charge of the mummy and boy am I chaffing right now. Who’s got some Goldbond powder? No one? Itchy itchy ouch ouch!

Since this thing is a limited edition, you know that your girl is going to be one of the select few covering her Universal monster with another universal monster. Aaahoooooo! Werewolves of lingerie Aaahooooooooooo!