Tag: novelty

Garden Critter Solar Lights

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garden critter solar lights
You know those garden gnomes you have? They need some backup in order to keep your garden safe. These new Garden Critter Solar Lights will round out your garden nicely and besides, it will look like a damn Pixar movie in front of your house all day long. At night too, because these gopher and raccoon sculptures wear glasses that light up at night.

I would say these are perfect to keep animated bad guys from your garden. I’m gonna use them to illuminate a path to my door because my night vision isn’t so good.

My doctor is all like “Do you drink at night?” and I’m all like “Every night. Hence the night vision problem. Duh! What did they teach you in med school?” Then he takes the finger out and snaps his latex glove off. He’s all like, “So your cholesterol levels look fine then. See me again in two days.”

Sweet! He’s the best Doctor on Craigslist by far.

This Wearable Cat Table Turns Your Kitty Into A Butler

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cat table
This is a table that your cat can wear. It turns your kitty into a slave. Now, I hear what your sayin’. Cat’s are already slaves to the internets, performing tricks and looking cute so you can haz the feels. But this wearable cat table turns them into real slaves. This may put butlers out of business. The Katatsu suit goes around your cats belly and attaches with velcro. On it’s back is a portable table.

“Jeeves come here I need you. After you finish up with the peeking out of the box game and have completed your crawling inside of the paper bag, press stop on the camera and I shall edit it later. I will then require some tea and krumpets for our guests. You know what to wear. Do provide enough LOLs for the guests. There’s a good cat.”
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Get Clean Lickety Split With Tongue Soap

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tongue soap
Dogs do it. Cats do it. You should too. I’m not talking about licking your own butt while you stick your leg in the air like some carnival freak. I am talking about cleaning yourself. With your tongue. Your soap tongue. This Human Tongue Soap will get you clean, but may leave you feeling dirty.

It’s perfect for bathing with your partner. Hey, can you tongue under my arms? I have some serious BO. Also, my butt is really dirty today. It needs some extra tongue. Yeah right there. That’s a little tongue in cheek humor, right there.

You can also get the “With Teeth” soap dish shown to go with it if you want to be really weird.

The World’s Coldest Hoodie

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worlds smallest hoodie
At last a hoodie for never nudes! This hoodie shows off your not-so-killer abs, but why are you always so cold? This awesome hoodie is all black with neon stitching and even has a zipper that- Well, let’s face it, that zipper doesn’t even matter. It does have a full hood though, so while your nipples are shriveled up so tight they squirt man-milk, your head will be warm and toasty.

Looks like it goes well with high heels, tube socks and a Village People construction guy mustache. YMCA biatches!

Fifty Farts Playing Cards

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fifty farts playing cards
This deck of Fifty Farts Playing Cards detail the ins and outs of the fart world. Now you can be hip to all of the fart terminology and when you toot, you’ll be able to name that fart.

For instance you’ll abe able to identify the difference between a “one-cheek sneak” and a “smoke screen.” You’ll know when you let loose with a “snart” or a “butt-trumpet”. Me? I play the “mud harmonica”. No matter how you pass it out your blow hole, you’ll enjoy these cards and will be able to impress your friends.