Tag: unique

Ghostbusters Terror Dog Ring

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Ghostbusters Terror Dog Ring
I know what you’re thinking. You saw that headline and you thought there was a Terror Dog Ring operating out of your city. You probably pictured scary dogs wearing gangster suits, who also happen to bust ghosts. That’s what I thought too, but nope. It’s the actual terror dog from Ghostbusters, in ring form.

Wear a couple so people will look at your hand and go, “Nice dogs man!” This thing doesn’t scare me. That hot dog I had at the ballpark last year, that was a terror dog. If you want to glue someone to a toilet seat for like 4 hours, forget superglue. Feed them a substandard mystery meat hot dog and wash it down with like a half gallon of coke.

Hyper-Realistic Old Man Sculpture

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Hyper-Realistic Old Man Sculpture
Damn, that is one realistic old man sculpture. He looks just like the guy that shook his fist and told me to get off his lawn yesterday. Hey, when you gotta go, you gotta go. At least I brought my own bag. I’m not an animal. It also looks like that guy who was trying to pay at the Post Office in pennies, but then realized he wanted to mail the pennies. I guess I’m age-ist because all these old people look the same to me. They all shout the same way too. They also all drive through Dunkin Donuts windows the same.

This guy is freaking me out, like he wants to lure me into his old-person-smelling home with hard candy, and tell me boring stories for like 3 hours. 2 hours I don’t mind, cuz it’s good candy, but learn how to edit. I give most of the stories 2 out of 4 stars cuz they lack monsters, dragons and Star Wars stuff.

Damn, that is creepy realistic. I can almost see him reaching for his change purse to see if he has enough to pay for those 11 items in the 10 items or less lane.

Skeleton Zipper Hoodie In White Bones And Red Bones

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Skeleton Zipper Hoodie In White Bones And Red Bones
Check out these awesome Skeleton Zipper Hoodie In White Bones And Red Bones. I’ll get the white one and you get the red one, then we’ll be in rival skeleton gangs. I’ll call my gang the Fractured Tibias and you can call yours the Raging Red Skulls. I’ll always lose cuz my bones are brittle, but I promise I’ll always put up a good fight. I’m scrappy like that. SCRAPPY. Man, I’m getting pumped! Did you just flash gang signs at me? Oh, cool. Respect my bony brotha from anotha skeleton motha. We all good!
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Scary Grim Reaper Statue

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Scary Grim Reaper Statue
He reaps what he sews. I’ll say that much for the Grim Reaper. Sorry if that sounded stupid. I’m just acting like I know what that phrase means. He is grim though. Why so grim? You know, you could be a Happy Reaper. It’s all about having a positive attitude. I guess it’s better than being a Prim Reaper. You don’t want to be all prim and proper, otherwise no one would come with you. Say, what are you doing here anyway?…. Oh poop.

Update:
Hey guys. He said he’s gonna let me finish this article before he takes me wherever he’s taking me, because I was so cool with him. It’s really neat here. It’s all black smoke and a void. I’m typing with my mind from another plane. JetBlue I think. Maybe Southwest! Ha. I still got it, even in the afterlife. Plane of existence you dopes.

Anywho’s I meant to talk about this Scary Grim Reaper Statue. I dare you to put it on the back of your toilet and every time you sit there you can act like he’s massaging you. Ha ha ha! He’s not sitting, he’s dead-itating! Ha ha ha ha. BRB guys. Back. He didn’t think that was funny. He’s a real grump. I’ll find my way back to you guys, I promise.

Cool Monster Eye Pocket Watch Case Pendants

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Cool Monster Eye Pocket Watch Case Pendants
Hey peeps. Do you like monster eyes? Like dragons and Krakens and stuff? TheArkanaWorkshop makes these awesome Monster Eye Pocket Watch Case Pendants. May the eye of the dragon be upon you. I’m not even sure what that means. An old man said that to me in a dream. I think it means it is my destiny to get one of these and wear it. Cool. The secret life that I have in my head rocks! Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, these eyes in pocket watch cases are friggin awesome. These eyes look scary and creepy and totally badass. When I look at it up close, does the dragon see a human eye pendant looking back? Like it’s a portal to another world? If so, I’m gonna moon it.

*Drops pants. Shakes butt in front of dragon pendant.* How do you like that dragon? There’s a full moon out tonight in Hobbit land! Ha ha. Hope I don’t set off any werewolves on that side! *Fire erupts from the pendant as I run away trailing smoke from my burnt butt.*
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