If you like it, put a ring on it. *Holds out hand. Waits. Twiddles my fingers* Be that way. *Sulks* Fine whatever. You are all as cold and dead as this Gothic Cemetery Ring.
You can have the smallest cemetery ever right on your finger. So when you give people the finger, they will know that you are not just telling them to F**k off, you are also telling them to die and get buried on a hill somewhere.
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Check out these Monster Inspired Dresses fit for any Bridezilla. The seller has dresses inspired by Frankenstein, Vampires, Zombies and more.
The only dresses they don’t have are ones inspired by my almost-wife. Of course how do you capture a woman approaching the altar screaming and crying at the same time? How do you capture the running out of the church in high heels, not once but several times as she loads up the car with gifts and then drives off, flipping me the finger. I don’t think any dress could capture the scene.
Apparently marrying me cures blindness. Which also cures them of marrying me.
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This Magma Neckpiece is hot. Scorching. Women look lava-ly in magma. You make me blow my top girl! Guys, do yourself a favor and buy this for your lady. Don’t be cheap like me. *Flashes back to two years ago*
……
What is my surprise?
Just keep your blindfold on. It’s almost ready.
I’m so excited. What is it?
Well, you remember how you wanted that magma neckpiece? I made you one myself. Open your eyes.
Uh…This is like a drippy plastic melted candle…
Yeah, I opened a couple of lava lamps and dumped it on a mannequin head. Then cut the head off to make the hole. You’re welcome.
It feels hot still. Why is my shirt smoking.
Why indeed? Where did it pick up that habit? From a nun? Heh. I crack myself- Ow! I’ll grab the fire extinguisher.
This Black Leather Bone and Chain Breast Plate Body Armor will have you apocalypse ready in an instant. The base is made from a leather biker jacket with a bunch of deer and raccoon ribs and a muskrat skull. You know, just your standard body armor. I would totally wear this and go out into the Wasteland like Mad Max.
Every night I would sleep under the stars and wake up to birds pecking at my chest, but that’s okay. I would look badass.
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My wife keeps bugging me for a baby. You want a baby? I’ll give you a baby. And I don’t mean that Baby Ruth I dropped in the public pool last week. A Xenomorph baby! How ya like that? This Baby Alien Xenomorph Fetus Chest Burster Necklace is your birthday gift. Baby delivered.
What do you mean you already have a fully grown baby? By the way, have you seen my blanky? You didn’t leave it at the laundromat again I hope. And why does Mr. Snuggles have a pair of scissors in his abdomen? *Inspects bear closer* Is this like the time my pajamas accidentally got thrown in the wood chipper? I can’t have anything nice.