“Bats”. By me.
They hide in your belfries
where they like to take selfies.
They fly in your hair
and give you a scare.
They like to make guano.
and hate U2’s bono.
That was “Bats”. By me.
Check out these cool Metal Bats Bookends. It puts bats all up in your belfry. No guano. Unless your books are really bad.
Hey, what’s Kraken? These Kraken Tentacle Wall Decals, that’s what? It wants to give you a big hug, then pull you down to drown in the murky depths. Kind of like my Aunt Louise always did, except she’ll pinch your cheeks first, then pull you in for a hug so you can suffocate in her massive bosoms. That might not have been so bad, but Aunt Louise used to be Aunt Louie. I had an awkward childhood.
At family get-togethers my dad would hold him/her back at the door, then yell, “Unleash the Kraken!” and all the kids would run. I was always too slow.
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This Vino De Nosferatu Decanter and Glasses set will let you have a drink with Dracula. Have a nip with Nosferatu. You get free matching table accessories too. Raise a toast. You’ll be Vlad you did. Eck! Your blood tastes terrible. Why do you have to be so negative?
This set looks pretty cool. Way to luxurious and rich for my blood. Which tastes terrible by the way. So don’t invite me over. My blood is a terrible vintage.
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Check out this Mechanical Flying Saucer UFO Ring that really spins like a UFO. I have no idea how accurate it is. Never seen a UFO in the sky. But I have seen UFO’s at the local Walmart.
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Chill with your favorite horror movie killers. Because these Horror Character Fridge Magnets will always be chill. They’re on your fridge. You get Jason Voorhees, Michael Myers, Ghostface and Leatherface. They’ll give you a false scare every time you get a midnight snack. Which for me is several times between midnight and midnight of the next night.
If you’re scared of these guys, just put them on the fridge and consider yourself on a diet.