Tag: art

Primordial Ooze Toys Are Gross And Fun

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Primordial Ooze
Fred Marinello sells some really strange and weird toys. Which of course means that we are all over this stuff. You can find a lot of freaky stuff in his online store, but some of the coolest may be these Primordial ooze toys. They all look like they just crawled out of the primordial soup and they aren’t too happy about it.

Waiter! There’s a half-formed dinosaur in my (primordial) soup.

These things are nasty and gross and colorful. Make sure you display them so that kids can see them. They like to live in the nightmares of young children. And bloggers! Gonna be another Nyquil and rum night for me!

Thanks Fred.
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Fast Food Nightmare Painting

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omgwtfgmoDamn. This painting titled “Fast Food Nightmare 3” is scary as hell because it’s like one of those horror movies that’s based on a true story. Let’s see if I can decode this work of art.

Basically, Ronald McDonald is feeding some GMO corn to the Taco Bell dog, who naturally has explosive diarrhea and poops on the clown prince of crime’s oversized shoe. Burger King is all like, “my thumbs are tied. I can neither help with the cleanup or serve it up as a whopper. But can you save it for me?” Then Wendy is all like, “He he. I’m evil with a cute face.” Jack in the box looks on like an illuminati master, waiting, calculating. Seeing how it all plays out. Meanwhile, it must be the blindfolded customer’s first time dining in hell, because she’s not obscenely obese. Also, she has no arms with which to choke Colonel Sander’s chicken.

Life Sized Cyclops Skull

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cyclops skull
This Cyclops Skull is perfect for your desk. You could put like an 8-ball in the eye socket or give him a cool visor that turns him into Cyclops from the X-Men. Who is not a real cyclops by the way. He has two eyes. He just burns the s**t out of everything he looks at.

This bad boy is limited to 100 pieces. All with one eye socket and surprisingly well preserved teeth. Ever since he lost his eye he’s been a real sigh-clops. Ha ha ha.

Get two. Call them Jack. Put them on the top shelf. Now you have a pair of one-eyed jacks. Faces high! I slay me.

Where does a Cyclops go to get prescription lenses for his monocle? The Clop-tometrist. Ha ha ha.

Booze booze everywhere. Tired now. Sleepy time.
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Skull Violin

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skull violin
If I had any musical talent at all I would have a violin like this one. Then again, maybe not. I get the feeling that you only get to play it one time before it absorbs your soul, adding your skull to it’s collection as you turn into a pile of dust on stage.

On the other hand, if I ever find my myself in Georgia at the same time the devil went down there, I’d totally challenge him to a fiddle playing contest. How hard could it be? I’d just hit him over the head with my fiddle while he’s playing his. Hey, he didn’t say what kind of fiddle duel. Just that we would use fiddles. Ha ha Suck it Satan.
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These Vintage Doll Planters Are Totally Creepy

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creepy doll planter
Is that a Cthulhu parasite hatching out of that doll’s head? Nah. Well maybe. It’s a plant. And it’s a good reminder that plants can kill. These terrifying planters come from Etsy seller EarthSeaWarrior, who likes to make creepy things protrude from bodies.

You can find all kinds of creeptastic doll planters in their shop. I hope they use a life-sized mannequin next just so I can call it Mannequin 2: Electric Boogaloo With Cthulu. Check out some bonus shots below of a headless flapper with a Cthulhu-Rhoid and a poo faced doll baby sucking it’s own tentacles.
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