Tag: art

The Anorexic Dead: Zombie Barbies

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

zombie barbies
Hey, it’s Barbie. The doll that spawned a thousand eating disorders. Now she’s a zombie and wants brains. Well, she has always needed a brain, she just wasn’t smart enough to know it. Now she will rip it from your dead and bleeding skull just like she did with Ken’s nut sack.

You can choose from Lindsay Nohand, Britney Speared, Messica Simpson, ZooEYE Deschanel and more. Funny thing is, Barbie is eating better as a Zombie than she ever did as an ordinary waif/trollop. If she keeps eating those brains she might actually put some meat on her bones. It would be rotting corpse meat, but still.
Read more “The Anorexic Dead: Zombie Barbies”

Skull Business Card Holder

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

skull business card holder
This skull business card holder is perfect for undertakers and such. It really makes an impression and insures that they won’t just throw out your card when they leave. Nothing says repeat business like cards in a human skull.

The cards really should have a brain design though. And the person should have to reach deep into the skull to get one and get their hand all squishy and wet. See, this is why my businesses never get off the ground.

Weird Shredded Superhero Night Light

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

weird hero artThis may be the art project of a serial killer. I’m not sure, because I’m no good at profiling. I just sense a troubled soul. And a lot of free time. At least it’s not superhero poop. Anyway, it looks like the Batman has met a terrible end. It was bound to happen sometime. This guy hung him upside down, shredded his entire body and made a crazy night light out of him.

They got sick of seeing the bat symbol in the night sky. Now they have their own. Sure it’s just a shadow of two feet, but the Gotham PD should play ball now and look the other way. If the Gotham PD is ever in the dude’s room anyway, because this thing looks like it casts light about two feet and that’s it. Yep. Looks like we have us a new Arkham resident.
Read more “Weird Shredded Superhero Night Light”

Land Line Lighting: Rotary Telephone Table Lamp

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

phone light

This old rotary phone may take forever to dial a number, but as a lamp it works instantly. It’s the ultimate in land line lighting.

I have one myself and I like it a lot. Thing is, every time I answer the phone I burn the hell out of my ear and mouth area. So I have trouble talking and I can hear about as well as a 90 year old at an AC/DC concert. People are starting to ask if I have a learning disability. No. I jus hath a cool lump in ma fone. It makes shaving really easy though. When I answer the phone I just rub it around my face for a clean shave before saying Haw-whoa.

Well Preserved Thieving Elf Hand With Coin

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

elf handHow about a lil bit o’ the elf what thieved ya? What doya say Govner?

In the mid 19th century, many Northern European homes had issues with elves, the epidemic was not dissimilar to the infestation of rats or mice that many homes endure today. In the autumn if 1877, an impoverish farmer noticed his small savings of coins were rapidly dwindling despite the fact that he’d spent none of it. Fed up, he set a trap, days later he caught a small elf. As punishment for stealing his coins the old farmer lobbed off the creatures hand, still holding the man’s stolen coin. Countless attempts have been made to remove the coin but it remains today, still clutched in the grasp of the creature severed limb.

So I says to him…I don’t right know if at was the elf what thieved me…but he ad a hand init!
Read more “Well Preserved Thieving Elf Hand With Coin”