Now you can have a Bigfoot sighting on your kitchen counter top or table. This Bigfoot Chia Pet has traded in his stinky fur in for some green herbs. It looks like a stylish Sasquatch business suit that he grew himself. Plus it makes a comfy bed. That he can wear and poop in and stuff, while he’s rubbing his big old Bigfoot butt against trees. I wish I could wear my own bed. How com the Sasquatch can just drop and sleep wherever he is and I can’t?
I’m making my own Chia suit. Not only will it be super comfy, but it will definitely make me smell better too. It beats the one I’m wearing now. Makes me all itchy. I picked a bunch of leaves near some geek convention or something, because the sign said Poison Ivy. Bah. I didn’t see any hot cosplayer covered in greenery or even Batman. Man, I’m really itching and burning. Should I be able to scratch clear down to my bone like that, through a blistery and bloody hole?
Read more “Bigfoot Chia Pet: Cr- Cr- Cr- Cryptid”
Halloween is almost here and you know what that means. Yep. My dentist and your dentist are gonna be going to Hawaii in their new private jet. Meanwhile I’m all about cruising through traffic on my moped, trying not to pass out from tooth pain. Was probably that Twix bar and Neco wafer salad I had for lunch.
The Rough Rider versus the Creepy Cryptid. Sure, Teddy Roosevelt gave a speech with a bullet in his chest, but did you know that he slaughtered his share of bigfoot creatures as well? True story. He was a true patriot and a real monster hunter.