Tag: custom

Get Clean Lickety Split With Tongue Soap

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tongue soap
Dogs do it. Cats do it. You should too. I’m not talking about licking your own butt while you stick your leg in the air like some carnival freak. I am talking about cleaning yourself. With your tongue. Your soap tongue. This Human Tongue Soap will get you clean, but may leave you feeling dirty.

It’s perfect for bathing with your partner. Hey, can you tongue under my arms? I have some serious BO. Also, my butt is really dirty today. It needs some extra tongue. Yeah right there. That’s a little tongue in cheek humor, right there.

You can also get the “With Teeth” soap dish shown to go with it if you want to be really weird.

Homemade Star Wars AT-ST With Sheep’s Skull

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star wars at at skull
The Empire Strikes FEAR with this crazy nasty Star Wars AT-AT, which is actually an AT-ST unless I need my geek credentials taken away. In this case it stands for All Terror-Skull Transport. If the Empire could harness zombie technology, this is the kind of equipment they would be using.

I have to ask. What makes someone put a sheep’s skull on a friggin’ Star Wars toy? Probably the same thing that made me drown all my figures in glue and pretend it was carbonite. The Force. We can blame it for everything!

This is the result of one of my art projects in college some years ago, genuine sheeps skull on star wars walker legs! Awesome!

I’m guessing there were a lot of hallucinogens at that college. Just kidding. But still, you’re weird. I’m locking up all of my toys when you come over to play.

Thanks Jeremy.
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Alien Xenomorph Queen Lamp

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aliens lamp
Etsy seller Kreatworks creates all kinds of awesome and scary alien sculptures. Most of them cost way more than I have saved in my piggybank. I know, because I just busted the thing open and counted it all up before walking down the street and spending my life savings on a Kit Kat bar. Well, THAT was a tasty retirement! Back to work now!

Anyway, this Alien Xenomorph Queen Lamp is all kinds of scary and awesome. It will totally watch you all night long as you watch it back, until you are a nervous wreck and hiding under the blankets, cursing the fact that you soiled yourself.

Lesson learned. Some things are just too scary to have in your bedroom. The next morning you decide that it would look much better in your toddler’s room.
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UFO Table Lamps With Hot Rod Paint Jobs

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ufo lampThese UFO lamps are…wait for it…Out of this world! They look like little bumper car UFOs that a small person could get in and fly around the house, destroying all of your vases and figurines and stuff. I’m gonna put on my awesome alien jacket and go for a ride, like I’m in a pinball machine.

Three concussions later, I’ll wake up just before the wife gets home and call the cops, informing them about the break in. I have no idea what they wanted, but they really worked me over good. That should stop her from killing me.

Etsy seller SHINYARTY has all kinds of awesome UFO table lamps that I am sadly too big to fit inside, all painted up like awesome hot rods.
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Monster Mirror Guarantees That You Will Cut Yourself While Shaving

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monster mirrorMirror mirror on the wall, who is the fugliest of all? You are. That’s who. This mirror demands blood, since it will make you so nervous that you constantly cut yourself while shaving, making a blood sacrifice down the drain every damn day. The only way to beat it is to grow a beard!

Ha! Beaten at your own evil game! How does that feel? Well, yeah, I was so nervous when I trimmed my beard last time that I also trimmed all of the fuzz off my new winter sweater and gave myself a mohawk, but still. I win.