Tag: custom

Pizza Dragon: A Song Of Cheese And Fire

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

pizza dragonWhen you order this awesome Pizza Dragon, he flies to your house in a half hour or less, or he’s free. Free to set your face on fire, while he drips flaming grease and pepperoni from his wings like the vengeful winged stuffed-scale crust pizza demon that he is.

That gives me an awesome idea for a pizza chain. I’m gonna raise baby pizza dragons. I’ll raise some pepperoni, some with other toppings. They don’t even need to go into the oven since they practically cook themselves. Best of all I won’t need drivers. Just pay for your Dragon-Pizza and it gets set free so it can fly to your house. I would get rave reviews too:

“By the time I caught the thing I had third degree burns and melted cheese all over my house and now I’m undergoing throat surgery since it’s saucy blood was like lava.”

“It was OK, but my wife and Khaleesi is the Mother of Dragons. She was pretty pissed when she found out what we were eating.”

“The sausage was all carbon and ash by the time it got here. Then it ate my cat, which sucked, however, it immediately grew new bits of sausage all over it’s cheesy skin between the wings… with bits of fur in it. At least I didn’t have to bury my animal. Thanks Pizza Dragon!”
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H.R. Giger Alien Heels: In Space No One Can Hear Your Calves Scream

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alien shoesThese Alien inspired heels are super scary. I keep waiting for a second mouth to come out of the toe area and drool everywhere. Would I date a woman wearing these shoes? Hell to the no! No way am I letting her spend the night so that her shoes can go on a killing spree in my spaceship. And no way am I going to her place to find out what other shoes she has in her closet of horrors.

These shoes are so scary you need a Giger counter to measure the fear. Ha. See what I did there. I am so awesome. High five. How about a hug instead? Ahhh. Tricked you, I’m a face hugger!
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Custom Domino’s Pizza Noid Mech Figure

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

noidI know I’m supposed to avoid the Noid because he just wants to ruin my pizza by crushing it or making it cold, but I just can’t resist this awesome custom figure from KodykoalaToys, maker of all kinds of cool customs.

Remember when they had that rule about delivery in 30 minutes or your pizza is free? Good times. The trick to free pizza in those days was to order from a pay phone outside of the Domino’s shop and then pour sugar in the driver’s gas tank. Then when they go to use another car you block that one in. After that you run around the parking lot in your Noid costume and act crazy. The driver will run back inside because everyone fears the Noid. Steal a car and park it on the sidewalk so it blocks the door. By now at least 15 minutes have passed. The police are almost here. They will arrive in a minute and take their time questioninging the workers. Flip everyone the bird and laugh maniacally. Then go home and await your free pizza and an apology. Ah memories.
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Alien Walking Stick

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Alien Walking StickNeed a new walking stick? Try this Alien Walking Stick. Sounds like an insect that looks like an alien, but it is a walking stick that looks like a scary grey alien. Both are terrifying. Especially when you consider that old people like to hit young people with walking sticks. How would you like to get whacked in the face by this walking stick and then have an imprint of an alien on your face all day?

Hey, what happened to your face? Oh that? Helped an old lady across the street and into her UFO. She said I had seen too much and started whacking me. Laid there for about a half an hour after the thing took off, until some men in black arrived, took a blood sample, kicked me a few times and told me that I saw nothing and don’t talk about this EVER. I guess I just did.

Gonna end this here. Someone’s knocking on the door…This isn’t good.
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Twin Peaks Red Room Diorama In A Can

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twin peaks dioramaEtsy seller Boxartig is selling this cool Twin Peaks Red Room Diorama which comes in a fancy can. Pretty neat. If you want to relive some scenes from the classic show, it beats hiring a dwarf and pumping him full of acid so he dances around, snapping his fingers while talking backwards.
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