Tag: etsy

Horror Book Themed Candles

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Horror Book Themed Candles
It’s been awhile since I sat down with a good book. You know why? Because books aren’t very good at conversation. Also, because books don’t have the internet with built in naughty websites. Books also don’t feed me. There’s actually a lot of reasons now that I think about it. At least now I can enjoy some good books with my candles thanks to these Horror Book Themed Candles.

These decorative candles from FirstEditionCandleCo have a little book attached and you can even use them as bookmarks. They will make your place look all creepy-like. Gotta say though, these are not that original. I created these back in the great fire of 1996 when I last read a book by candle light. The fireman gave me the candle covered book as a souvenir along with a slap to the back of the head.
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Articulated Paper Dolls Depicting Mythical Creatures

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Articulated Paper Dolls Depicting Mythical Creatures
These Articulated Paper Dolls Depicting Mythical Creatures from ArdentlyCrafted are pretty cool. Pfft. If you play with dolls. *Stealthily hides my GI Joe and kicks my Barbie under the desk.* Just kidding. I don’t type on a desk. I type on a computer. Duh! I would look like an idiot typing on a desk all day. That wood has no keys.

Anyway, these paper dolls of supernatural creatures are pretty friggin’ awesome. I plan to put together a whole playset and create a Mythical Wrestling Federation so they can all fight to the death. My money is on the Chupacabra being the last one standing. They also have Bigfoot, a Kraken, Cerberus, a Pegasus and more. They are all articulated too so you can move their limbs and stuff.
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The Raven Book Umbrella: Get Wet Nevermore

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The Raven Book Umbrella Get Wet Nevermore
Nevermore! Nevermore! This Raven Book Umbrella is based on Edgar Allen Poe’s book. I think it’s about a bird or something. Now it is an awesome umbrella. Everybody is raven about it! It comes in pretty handy when the weather is for the birds. It’s perfect for those massive storms where you are facing an Edgar Allen Down-Poe. I’m so rocking the wordplay today. And that’s good, cuz you guys have been raven-ous for it. Okay. Okay. I will do the wordplay nevermore. I was just (c)raven some fun.

This Steak Is Made Entirely Out Of Tape

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This Steak Is Made Entirely Out Of Tape
This Steak Is Made Entirely Out Of Tape. That really ticks me off cuz it made me hungry. If I want a steak made of tape I’ll just let my wife cook tonight. It will taste like chewing on tape, plus it will probably give me a tape worm that I have to feed for like a year while it lays eggs in my gut.

This steak looks pretty realistic and unlike my wife’s it actually looks edible. I’m gonna show her this and tell her that’s what a steak should look like. It shouldn’t look like an off color turkey with atomic acne, all laced up with a shoelace. Damn I’m hungry!

Custom Nosferatu Vampire Tank Dress

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Custom Nosferatu Vampire Tank Dress
Man, Nosferatu gets all the girls. Lucky guy. If I was clinging to that body the way this Nosferatu Vampire Tank Dress is, I’d get slapped. Is it a tank top? Is it a dress? I have no idea, but Nosferatu is on the scene, creeping around that girl’s boobies. Oddly enough I’ve heard the same phrase uttered about me. I have to work on my game. Right now I’m at checkers level, but one day I’m gonna be in the world championships of hitting on pretty women. Mind if I practice? Here are some pick up lines:

If I told you I loved Nosferatu, would you hold him against me?

Mind if I rub his bald head?

You must have turned me into a vampire girl, cuz I’m up all night thinking about you.

I think I need a lot of work.