Tag: etsy

Mythical Creature and Cryptid Skeleton Identification Chart

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Mythical Creature and Cryptid Skeleton Identification Chart
We’ve featured MythicArticulations’ work before when we showed you their creatures in a can, and now they have this Mythical Creature and Cryptid Skeleton Identification Chart. It’s perfect for identifying that creature that you just encountered. Maybe you were relieving yourself in the forest, because you know, nature calls, and your junk got bit by a strange creature.

Well, now you can consult the chart and know that it was a Chupacabra. But that still doesn’t tell you if you need any rabies shots or if the thing laid eggs in you and is going to turn you into a mutant freak. It also doesn’t tell you how to make the swelling go down. Or explain why your junk now has the urge to find a sheep and drink it’s blood. It also doesn’t help you when the farmer catches you with both your junk and a sheep in the middle of a field in broad daylight. Start with, “I can explain”.
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Yeti And Werewolf Faux Taxidermy

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Yeti and Werewolf Taxidermy
These Yeti and Werewolf heads are awesome. Why do I need a Yeti or a Werewolf head on my wall, looking like they tried to bust into my room like the Kool-Aid man, but got stuck when their fat heads came through? I just do. With a Yeti head on my wall I can have a Yeti sighting anytime I want. I’ll even go the extra mile and call it in to one of these Yeti sighting hotlines.

“Did you see a Yeti?”
Mocks her tone. Did you see a yeti? Yes. Yes I did.
“Where did you see it sir?”
In my livingroom. It’s looking at me right now.
“Are you in danger sir?”
Me? Pffft. I’m just chillin’ with a beer.
“Sir. You really should take this seriously. You are clogging up the lines for people who are really in danger.”
Whatevs. They don’t exist no how! Thanks for the drunk dialing adventure. Click.

Later that night… *Strange grinding noise is shaking the whole house. Sounds like some weird breathy electric saw too. Turns on the light to see an actual Yeti dry humping and having it’s way with my monster head.*
Oh, Hell no! Bad Yeti. Swats it with a rolled up newspaper. It runs away, darting out a window and leaving my now defiled monster head on the floor.

What the s**t! I guess they do exist!
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Pac-Man Party Bra And Tutu

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Pac-Man Party Bra
It’s always a party with the Pac-Man Party Bra And Tutu. A pizza bra will get the party started, but a bra featuring the yellow dot muncher himself? That keeps the party going all night long. Assuming that your nipples are power pellets anyway. If you feel that your nipples have what it takes to power this little yellow freak and let him chase ghosts around your boobs all night, order yours today.

Pac-Man fever makes you hot(Also drives you crazy). So if you are afflicted with this retro 80s ailment, this is the perfect outfit. It’s sure to diffuse the heat, while looking awesome. Don’t wear a Space Invaders bra or an Asteroid bra, unless you want guys hitting on you all night. By “hitting on”, I mean that I’ll be in the corner making pew pew pew noises, pointing my finger gun at your chest, trying to get the high score.
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6 Foot Tall Nosferatu Vampire Figure

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nosferatu figure
Nosferatu, why don’t you come to your senses? You been out ridin’ fences for so long now… This 6 Foot Tall Nosferatu Vampire Figure scares the hell out of me. He looks like some squirrels nibbled on his ears. Apparently those glass eyes light up when you plug a 9-volt battery in, insuring nightmares for all. Only $700.

Also, check out those bags under his eyes. Dude needs more sleep. This is exactly what you will look like with this crazy freaky thing in your home. Say goodbye to sleep forever. Stop looking at me! I feel like he’s gonna make ferret-sucking type noises with those teeth.
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Dragon Lawn Flamingos

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dragon flamingo
Lawn flamingos are soooo 1950s trailer park. These days it’s all about dragons. Because dragons are awesome and breath fire and fly through the sky like they own that shizz. Cuz they do. I’ve seen the deed. You don’t mess with dragons. That’s why you should decorate your yard with these Dragon Lawn Flamingos from Etsy seller CedarMoon.

I just ordered like 5. I’m using them as bait. I’m hoping it will attract that chick from Game of Thrones. She’ll see them in my yard and be all like, “OMG dragons. Can I be your Queen?” I’ll be all like, “Yeah, but I only have one throne and that ain’t no game on Taco night. Cool?”
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