Tag: fun

Zombie Gnombie Statue

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Zombie Gnombie Statue
This Zombie Gnombie Statue is all undead and rising from the dirt. He gets bonus points for having stigmata marks on his hands. What up my homie from another gnomie? You just gonna stay silent wit yo zombie self? Aight, be like dat Aber-gnombie and bi*ch!

Why you crawling all up in my yard anyway? *Steps on his head and pushes him back down* Dat’s what it is. This ain’t no halfway house for horror gnomes. Pop up in somebody else’s yard else I’mma have to play whack-a-gnome! Ya get me? Aight! Peace! Don’t be leaving no gopher trails in my grass now!

You can find him here and here.

Octopus Tentacles And Dragonscale Mugs

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Octopus Tentacles And Dragonscale Mugs
These cool Octopus Tentacles And Dragonscale Mugs from CogsnCords look great. Let’s you and me get them and we can bump uglies. By uglies I mean tentacles. And dragonscales.

I hope those tentacles don’t reach back in the mug and drink my beer all up, but I wouldn’t mind if they tickled my mustache and under my chin while I’m taking a long swig. The dragonscales won’t be any trouble. Let’s you pet a dragon while you are getting drunk. I guess you’re draining the dragon as you drink up too. These mugs are awesome.
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UFO Lamp: Unidentified Flying Objet D’art

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

UFO Lamp Unidentified Flying Objet D'art
This UFO lamp is out of this world! My only complaint is that there’s no cow tumbling up into the light beam, mooing and running in place. Meh. You can’t have everything. When it’s plugged in it gives off a blue light and when its unplugged, the abduction beam glows green. Just like a real spaceship. So I’ve heard. I don’t have any firsthand experience with abduction beams. Fun fact: First I typed “abduction beans”. It made me giggle. That is all.

So anyway, I’m thinking you get some Men In Black figures, a cow or two, some little alien figures, Mulder and Scully, and you have yourself an awesome playset as well as a lamp. Never seen a UFO, but I have seen an OFU which is UFO spelled backwards. That would be my “Obese F**king Uncle”. Damn that guy can eat. He doesn’t eat spare ribs. Just ribs. Cuz when he eats, he doesn’t have any to spare. All goes in his mouth you see. He doesn’t “put it away” because there’s nothing left to put away. We love him. We just eat at separate tables. In separate restaurants. In separate towns. He’s kinda like a black hole. Gotta stay away from the event horizon.

JAWS Shoes: We’re Gonna Need A Bigger Shoe Box

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

JAWS Shoes We're Gonna Need A Bigger Shoe Box
It’s time to slip your feet into some sharks. These JAWS shoes will be available this summer. My feet are fearful. My tootsies are terrified. My ten little piggies are bloody chum in the water! June 20th, 2016 is the 41st anniversary of the movie JAWS, so Sperry shoes are releasing a line of JAWS themed footwear. They will be available for order online as early as next month starting May 5th. They will be in retail stores soon after on June 9th.

The shoes are wrapped in blood-soaked tissue paper. Apparently, with each shoe purchase, you will get some postcards in the packaging. You can check out several of the designs here. Pretty cool. Great for sharkin’ around. One minor gripe. They really should have some fins so I can feel like I really have tiny sharks on my feet. That way, I can sing the shark theme while I walk and creep up on people like sharks do. And since my shoes can’t bite, I’m just gonna have to kick them really hard. Not my fault. It was the shark shoes. Not safe to go in the water? It is now not safe to go on the sidewalk. Blame my twin shark feet, both named Bruce.

Dracula Vs Van Helsing Chess Set

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Dracula Vs Van Helsing Chess Set
Dracula, meet Van Helsing. FIGHT! This Dracula Vs Van Helsing Chess Set is perfect for fans of Vampires and vampire hunters. I saw this set and just had to share it. You know, get it off my chess. I mean chest. I’m getting my words confused again. That happens sometimes, like that one time I told that lady, “Hey, nice chest set!” and got slapped. That was the last time I commented on a chess game. People are so touchy. She did have a nice chest set, but that’s beside the point.

Anyway, this is a sweet chess set for you eggheads who know how to play. My brain capacity maxes out at checkers. King me!