Tag: fun

Concrete Cyclops Skull

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Concrete Cyclops Skull
Okay Cyclops Skull, keep an eye on the garden for me. Get it? If you do just say aye! I kid, I kid. I just like talking to my garden decorations. Say, I need to plug in the weed whacker. Do you have a spare socket? Zing! Burn! I got you so good. We are having so much pun. Wanna hear some music? I’ll get my eye-pad. Where is it? Hmmm. Keep an eye out for me will ya? Man, I crack myself up. *Drops skull in garden* Laterz. Eye have to go eat!

Next day…

*Walks out to the garden whistling. Trips over cyclops skull and gets impaled by a rake. Dying…* Eye…Eye…Eye sorry. Ha ha ha erg gasp choke gurgle dead.

Plush Loch Ness Monster: I Saw It! I Saw It!

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Plush Loch Ness Monster I Saw It! I Saw It!
Oh Nessie, you’re so fine. You’re so fine you blow my mind. Hey Nessie. Hey Nessie. He’s plush. He’s supernatural. Even Leonard Nimoy was in search of him. I’m talking about Nessie. The Loch Ness Monster. Here he is in Plush Loch Ness Monster form. You’ve just had a sighting! Better report that shizz and share your blurry pic. Yeah, looks like a log with fins to me. You can take a pic of your crummy breakfast for instagram, but you can’t photograph a majestic and mythic beast huh? Whatevs.

Oh Nessie, what a pity you don’t understand
You take me by the heart when you take me by the hand
Oh Nessie, you’re so pretty, can’t you understand
It’s plush like you Nessie
Oh, what you do Nessie, do Nessie
Don’t break my heart, Nessie.

Fun Fact: Nessie has a wife named bessie and likes to swim with his daughter Jesse. Can we spot them? Lesee… Damn, I should be a children’s writer. That’s where my skill level is anyway. I so rock the market of the under-developed mind. Takes one to know one.
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Krampus Christmas Card Box Set

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Krampus Christmas Card Box Set
This Krampus Christmas Card Box Set might help you avoid getting kidnapped by Krampus and thrown in a sack. Then beaten and thrown in a river or something. Cuz that’s what he does to naughty kids at Christmas. Christmas was hard in the old days. Did you know that Krampus spelled backwards is Sup Mark?

Mind blown!

I just discovered his secret. Dude’s hiding as a regular guy named Mark. F U Mark. I know your secret. You ain’t gonna get me in the sack. Wait, what? I mean- Screw you Mark! Give me Christmas gifts and I won’t tell the world your secret. I guess I just did. Whatevs! I’m onto you Mark.

Squid Plush Body Pillows

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Giant Squid Plush Body Pillows
It’s a squid party on the couch and everyone’s invited. Everyone with tentacles that is. You can have your very own squid squad, which sounds like an awesome underwater buddy cop show. I can’t wait to see the pilot. Well, hello Ms. Calamari, so glad you could make it. Squidworth my man, how are you? Give me five…multiple times. I’m just squid-ding around with ya. Don’t spit at me. Think before you ink my brotha! We all gonna Netflix and chill? Not like that my man. You crazy. We’re just gonna hang and have a good time.

When you have a bunch of squid, you’ve either got a party or a dinner. These Giant Squid Plush Body Pillows make it a party. Fill up your couch and snuggle with them all night long. Just don’t cuddle too long. Things get weird. Is it an adult activity at that point? I’m not judging. Just be aware that it’s a fine line between innocence and a weird, plush squid orgy.

Black Octopus Purse

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Octopus Purse
This Black Octopus Purse is the ultimate accessor-sea. It has enough tentacles to hold all of your stuff and never let go. Best of all it won’t spit ink in your face whenever you go to get your lipstick. Put a padlock on it and ya got a lock-topus. Store your frock inside and ya got a frock-topus. The possibilities are endless as the sea. You’ll love that you can high five it’s mighty tentacles.

Octopi are pretty smart creatures. It might even hand you the stuff you need. Pretty cool.