Tag: roswell

Holographic Alien Necklace

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alien necklace
This necklace is holographic and psycho-futuristic. I just made that word up. I hope it goes viral. But in a good way. Not in a “scratch all night and it forms blisters” kind of way. Not only will this Holographic Alien Necklace look good on your neck. It will also make you dress up like a sexy future girl and twirl your hair as you kneel on a holographic floor.

You can’t say that about every necklace. I guess technically, it’s a choker, so aliens will be choking you. I guess you won’t mind because you will be looking so super-retro-back to the future-fly-sup-world that you won’t even care. Cool for you. Just bring me back a pair of those glasses. Please?
alien necklace

Alien Invasion Collectible Motion Guitar Picks

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alien guitar picksAliens like to rock too and now they want to help mankind with these alien face guitar picks. These guitar picks have aliens on them, allowing you to rock like your tour-bus UFO just crashed in Roswell. It probably has a tracking device inside that marks you for abduction, because you know, they are recruiting for an intergalactic band.

Why an anal probe and medical procedures are part of the interview process, I have no idea.

Alien Walking Stick

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Alien Walking StickNeed a new walking stick? Try this Alien Walking Stick. Sounds like an insect that looks like an alien, but it is a walking stick that looks like a scary grey alien. Both are terrifying. Especially when you consider that old people like to hit young people with walking sticks. How would you like to get whacked in the face by this walking stick and then have an imprint of an alien on your face all day?

Hey, what happened to your face? Oh that? Helped an old lady across the street and into her UFO. She said I had seen too much and started whacking me. Laid there for about a half an hour after the thing took off, until some men in black arrived, took a blood sample, kicked me a few times and told me that I saw nothing and don’t talk about this EVER. I guess I just did.

Gonna end this here. Someone’s knocking on the door…This isn’t good.
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Alien Slave Sculptural Side Table

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alien side tableIt is going to be so awesome having my own alien slave side table. It can hold drinks and serve me all of my meals.

Bring me a steak spaceman!

Yes master, how do you want it done? Rare? Well done? Medium well?

Not medium well, you idiot! I’ll have it done ros-well. This time try to be discreet. Cow mutilations are in the news again. Wait a minute! This report says that only the rectum and sex organs were missing. If my steak tastes like cow butt and scrotum E.T will be phoning home with two black eyes.

I already have those master.

Why you smart-mouthed little- *Strangles alien neck like Homer does to Bart*

Alien Carjackers Sculpture

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carjackingI’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. You can’t trust an alien. They will steal your car and go for a joy ride. Like the honey badger, they just don’t care. This sculpture shows them stealing a 1929 Ford Model A in the middle of the New Mexico desert as they make their escape from military personnel.

I hear ya. “But they were just escaping”.

Oh, so they don’t like getting poked and prodded huh? Neither do human rectums! I hope they blasted that car out of existence. Bitter? Yeah I’m bitter. And butt-hurt too. Take my advice. Never let them lure you into a UFO by dangling a Snickers on a stick. I really wanted to believe that levitating candy would be magical and sparkly. It was going to grant me the power of flight. *tears* Boy was I wrong.

Oh look. A Kit-Kat attached to fishing line. Gotta go. I’m off to chase the dream. That better not be you Bigfoot.
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