Tag: strange

Zombie Nativity Has Neighbors Mad

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Neighbors Don't Like Ohio Man's Zombie Nativity
Some people in Ohio are getting all bothered about this guy’s Zombie Nativity scene. What’s wrong with celebrating the holiday with baby zombie Jesus? It’s not like the kid bit anyone yet. Still, I know how they feel. 8 days left until Star Wars: The Force Awakens! Woo-Hoo! Which is how I got in trouble for expressing my right to free speech too. Neighbors don’t like a fat guy in the front yard, made up to look like Jabba The Hutt, with a kitty in Slave Leia outfit chained to him. Damn, that kitty can choke ya too. Strong little bugger. I usually pass out once a night with that chain around my neck.

Seriously people, chill. If anyone has a problem with this nativity scene, or my celebration of Star Wars, you can go suck an egg. I always wanted to say that. Has anyone actually ever sucked an egg? Not me. I’m no egg-sucker, you mother-trucker, just ask my buddy Mark Zucker-nerd.
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Spill Your Guts With The Zombie Babe Corset

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Zombie Babe Corset
It takes guts to wear this Zombie Babe Corset. Hey girl, your insides is on your outside. Wanna talk about it? C’mon spill your guts. Oh… Sorry. That was insensitive of me. Where ya going? I can ex-spleen. Damnit! I didn’t mean that. Look, I was just ribbing you. It wasn’t my intestines to make you mad. I really do admire your intestinal fortitude. Oh c’mon. How can I look at this corset and not have this stuff on my mind? It looks pretty. Really it does.

What do you mean you can’t stomach me anymore? Hey! How come you get to say that stuff and I don’t?

Interior Frighting: Spine And Skull Lamp

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Interior Frighting Spine And Skull Lamp
Damn. My Spine And Skull Lamp isn’t working. I think I slipped a disc. Better call the chiropractor to come over and repair this thing. Funny story: I slipped a disc once, because I slipped on a disc. One of those old AOL discs that the postman filled my house with in the 90’s. Here’s a good one. Ready? How do Chiropractors do their hair? In-verte-braids! They like to play jump rope and play with dolls too. It’s weird.

I dated a chiropractor once. She was a real head turner. Don’t worry, she soon set me straight! Chiropractors are not all they are cracked up to be. It’s spine. Really it is.

Cthulhu Onesie Is Cthulhu Funsie

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Cthulhu Onesie Is Cthulhu Funsie
This Cthulhu Onesie is Cthulhu funsie. An ancient evil has awakened and you get to crawl inside. Cthulhu will keep you warm and toasty, but you will never be sane again. So I guess this onesie is perfect for me, since I’m already not sane. I’m not insane, cuz doesn’t that imply that I’m “In” sane, as in, in the sane? The English language. Now that’s insane. Insane in the membrane!

This fun onesie- I’m calling it a funsie or if a 500 dude gets in it, a ton-sie. This Cthulhu shell for nerd adults will insure that your friends leave you one by one, so that you are always wearing this around the house alone. Just the way it is.

Critter Trophy Head Replica

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Critter Trophy Head
This Critter Trophy Head Replica is going to look good in your home. There’s nothing like a critter above your sh*ter. As long as they aren’t coming from the toilet we’re all good. These guys are seriously messed up. The only species in the galaxy that failed to evolve toward basic dental care. C’mon… I’m not gonna make a joke about the British. You guys…

I’ll put this critter on the wall and act all tough like I shot it myself, when really I hid in some bushes while my Safari guide took it down. That’s one thing you have to know about me, I’ll only talk tough and brave when I already have your head on the wall.