Hey Octopus! Your ass is grass and I’m the lawn mower. Wait, is that how the saying goes. More like, your ass is glass and I’m the Glassblower. Haha. Burn! Wait, that really sounds wrong. Anyway, these Glass Octopus Pendants are awesome. What’s Kraken? Hopefully not these guys! They can’t take a hit, cuz I heard they have a glass jaw. I wonder where they’re from. Glass-gow? Enough dumb-(gl)ass Octopus jokes. These glass octopus pendants from EmergentGlassworks are going to look great on you. Especially if you are wearing an ocean themed shirt. You ladies are gonna rock-to-pus this octopus.
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Tag: unique
Horror Character Lineup Baby Blanket
Do you have a baby? I bet it screams a lot and poops itself. I totally get that. I too have irritable bowel syndrome. Well, give your baby something to really scream about and put this Horror Character Lineup Baby Blanket in his or her crib. Cuz it’s never too late to scar your child for life and make some therapist filthy rich. It features Freddy Krueger, Leatherface, Michael Meyers and more.
What’s junior screaming about? Probably needs his diaper changed. Nope, he’s just terrified of his new play friends. God only knows what kind of weirdo that kid is going to grow up to be. The next Freddy? Could be.
Tentacle Hair Clips
Is that a tentacle bursting out of your skull or are you just happy to see me? Both? Fair enough. Mind if I ask what shampoo you use? Is it Head, Shoulders and Tentacles? That would explain it. No, I don’t see any dandruff. I’m assuming your tentacles would have brushed any flakes away by now. I’m guessing you don’t wear hats. Ohhhh. Tentacle Hair Clips. I get it. Great accessory. I-
What the- Have I been hitting on a goddamn mannequin all this time? Why didn’t you guys say anything? Now, I feel stupid. I just thought she never blinked and was really fascinated by the conversation. What really sucks is this is the second time this happened to me. So I’m calling this incident Mannequin 2: Electric Boogaloo.
Cryptozoology Tracking Society Patches
Yeah, I remember getting some of these Cryptozoology Tracking Society Patches when I was back in Paranormal Boy Scouts. I hunted down Mothman and got that patch. Hunted down the Chupacabra and got that patch too. Little freak scratched my arm and gave me gangrene. I never got the Loch Ness Monster patch cuz I never made it to Scotland. Also never got the Jersey Devil patch cuz seriously, f**k Jersey.
Put these patches all on one jacket, then go out into the woods and dare these beasts to mess with you!
Evil Glowing Clown Masks
Beware the Glowing faced evil clown in a suit. That’s what my mom always said anyway. I never understood what she meant until this very moment. Cuz really, this is the same woman who said, “Beware the dishwasher in striped pajamas”. Mom was a drinker. Yet oddly enough her prophecies come true. It just sucks that I have to take the pajamas off and THEN load the dishwasher, but whatevs. These Evil Glowing Clown Masks from NeonNightLife are some real nightmare fuel.
It’s like clowns have arrived from the future to terrorize us so they can rule the Earth in 2057 and make the world one big circus tent freak show. Prepare to be tied up by balloon animals and taken to an internment camp for non-clowns via a tiny car packed full of these guys. I got my bug out bag, so I’m out peeps. Enjoy all those pies in the face and getting acid in the face as it squirts from the flowers on their shirts. Sick bastards!