Tag: women

Octopus Purse

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

octopus purse
This felted Octopus Purse is perfect for the lady who needs 8 arms to hold all of her stuff. That’s all ladies. Am I right guys? *High five. Nobody’s gonna give my five? On the side? Way down low? Was I too slow?* Whatevs. If I had 8 arms I would be high-fiving myself all day long. I would pull away just before connecting and be all like, Haha sucker! Get it? Cuz I would have suckers on my arm. Burn!

Yeah, this purse is totally awesome. If I made these, I would totally call my company Octo Inc. Get it? Okay, I’ll escort myself out.
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Glow-In-The-Dark Solar System Womens Bikini Underwear

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

glow in the dark underwear
Undies. The final frontier. I’m talking Glow-in-the-Dark Solar System Underwear. Hey girl, I’ll let you orbit around my Venus if you let me circle around Uranus! No? That’s cool. I like you, you got a way about you. A “milky way”. *Leans back. Looks cool.* Wanna go for a ride? In my Saturn? No again? Too bad. You really have my mercury rising.

Etsy seller makeitgoodpdx offers all kinds of Glow-in-the-Dark underwear for men and women. Let’s all wear them tonight and go outside at an agreed upon time. Because it’s all about making the Star Trek, not the Star Wars.

Eye Exam Chart Tights

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

eye exam tights
These eye exam chart tights will let you check out a great pair of legs while also taking an eye test. Damn girl! You gots a fine pair o legs. And thanks for the free checkup! You’ll be happy to know that I scored a perfect 100% on the test. The real question is, how do I score with you? Hmmm? They say I’m popular with the tight-wearing 20-30 year old female demographic.

On the other hand, I also score high with the crazy cat lady 60-70 year old demographic. Beauty is both a blessing and a curse.
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H.R. Giger Alien Heels: In Space No One Can Hear Your Calves Scream

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

alien shoesThese Alien inspired heels are super scary. I keep waiting for a second mouth to come out of the toe area and drool everywhere. Would I date a woman wearing these shoes? Hell to the no! No way am I letting her spend the night so that her shoes can go on a killing spree in my spaceship. And no way am I going to her place to find out what other shoes she has in her closet of horrors.

These shoes are so scary you need a Giger counter to measure the fear. Ha. See what I did there. I am so awesome. High five. How about a hug instead? Ahhh. Tricked you, I’m a face hugger!
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Mermaid Holographic Bodysuit

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Mermaid Holographic BodysuitDo androids dream of electric sheep? Do holographic mermaids dream of electric eels? I have no idea, but I like how you’re rockin’ that $155 holographic mermaid bodysuit my fishy feminine friend. Of course, that may be due to the fact that YOU ARE HYPNOTIZING THE S**T OUT OF ME with those glasses.

Damn girlfriend, I would have come willingly and given you some sweet love. No need for mermaid trickery. I know all the right things to do and say my sweet ocean siren. Want a sample? Here goes: “Hey baby, them scales is heavy.” Which of course means something entirely different to a human woman. You can say that to a mermaid, NOT to a woman who just stepped off a scale. Lesson learned.
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