Author: Artemis Winterford

Set of 4 Minimalist Scary Movie Mask Shot Glasses

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Set of 4 Minimalist Scary Movie Mask Shot Glasses
Give me a shot bartender! I just seen something that scared me senseless and I can’t stop shaking. *Looks around me all nervous. Bartender pours the drink. Sets it in front of me, using a glass from this Set of 4 Minimalist Scary Movie Mask Shot Glasses. I shriek like a banshee.*

Why you screaming?

Because that’s what I saw. The face on the glass! The scream ghost guy!

*He pours another. I scream like Justin Bieber faced with an actual woman.*

What’s your problem now bud?

Tha- That rabbit face on the glass. He was with the scream ghost guy.

*Pours another. I scream.*

What the hell? I gave you a blank glass this time.

*Wipes the glass until it’s clear.* Oh thank god. That smudge mark looked like my ex-wife!

UFO Art Pottery – The Truth Is Out There

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UFO Art Pottery
Man, there’s just not enough alien/UFO art pottery. Thank Xenu that CommonGroundPottery is making weird and cool UFO stuff for your home. They look like stuff that an archaeologist dug up, while proving that we have been visited before. In fact, I dare somebody to prove that we have not been visited before. I’ve been visited by the cable guy, a UPS driver, a Jehovah’s Witness, and some kid selling candy bars for his school. And that was just this week. So yeah! Case proven!

I love the saucer shaped pieces that show the pilots in the cockpit. *Giggles* I said cockpit. If you have two aliens in a cockpit, I guess you know what that makes them. Two c**ks in a cockpit. Why do you think they call it that? That’s where c**ks go. Just being honest. I hope they don’t have a sword fight in there. I’m concerned cuz it’s a small area,with delicate equipment.
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Gigantic Monster Turtleneck

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Gigantic Monster Turtleneck
Gigantic Monster Turtleneck. For when you absolutely, positively, have to look like a giant mitten. I would wear this thing all day. Gonna buy two so I can relax and Netflix and Chill with myself all week long, and occasionally change my shell like a hermit crab. I’ve already been accused of looking like a giant slug while I lay about in my undies. Might as well go full pupa and be the giant man-insect-larvae I was born to be.
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Bat Compact Mirror

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Bat Compact Mirror
This Bat Compact Mirror will make putting on your makeup even more fun. It’s just you and your bat-mirror, fixin’ up that face! Well I- No, let me get a word in- I didn’t mean your face isn’t pretty already. I’m just saying that bats are great makeup wingmen, because they actually have wings. This compact is all kinds of Victorian, steampunk, bat punk, gothic, not to mention I just ran out of adjectives.

If I were a woman, I’d be putting on makeup all day long just so I could use this cool mirror and brag how cool it is, and be snooty, and talk about how beautiful I am. Yeah, I would be a B**ch… A b**ch with an awesome accessory, that you don’t have! Am I right ladies?
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Creature From The Black Lagoon Ice Cube Tray

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Creature From The Black Lagoon Ice Cube Tray
This Creature From The Black Lagoon Ice Cube Tray will let you add an awesome fish monster to your drink. The darker the drink the better. You want it to look like a lake of terror. Enjoy your nice refreshing beverage as a horror swims within. You can also use this tray to make chocolates, jello and other terror treats. I can’t wait to see this guy surface above my iced tea.