Roads? Where we’re going we don’t need roads. But that’s just cuz I like to drive on the dirt side of the road. I think of myself as a ditch finder. I hit it so you don’t have to. I do it for the community. In fact, the local cops used to call me the Deuce of Hazard cuz it never looks cool and is always lame. When I found out what that meant, I laughed. Then cried. I’ll show them all when I buy one of Harveygallery’s time machines.

First I’m going back to 1984 when I was 4 pants sizes smaller. Gonna warn myself about the dangers of overeating so it changes the “Now Me” into a thin dude. Then the “Now Me” is gonna pig out and I won’t gain any weight cuz that 1984 sucker did all the work already. I’m gonna chill and enjoy being one of the “not fat” people for awhile, then zip off to the future where I find “Jabba the me” has finally porked out. Then I’m just gonna give up and we can pig out together and shoot the crap. Time machines are sweet!
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