This fall. The Barnyard Boys are back! This is gonna be the heist of a lifetime. Starring Pauly the Pigeon as Peckerhead Paulsy, Charlie Chickensnitch as Cluck Norris and the Horsehead of the Apocalypse as himself. Rated R for sex and violence and drugs and animal on animal crime in the seedy underbelly of Barnyard City.
That’s the movie I would make with these sweet weird animal masks. Either that or you know, just make an ass out of myself in public, but I’ve never needed a mask for that.
Go play with your ball. Stop smiling at me! Stop grinning at me, I said. Where’d you get such pearly whites? I better not get a bill from some doggy dentist. What’s so funny? Are you laughing at me?
Oh, it’s just a ball that makes you look like a grinning idiot. And they hold dog treats inside too? I’ll have to get grandpa one. Instant teeth, plus he will look happy for once, like he’s enjoying my company, when I visit him in that rest home I dumped him in a decade ago. He’s so ungrateful. I basically gave him a house full of maids, to serve him dinner and wipe his saggy old butt.
Read more “Grinning Teeth Dog Balls”
Snakes! Why’d it have to be snakes? This 14 foot fiberglass python will scare the bejesus out of anything and anyone in your yard. It basically looks like one long bloody entrail. It weighs about 75-80 lbs. Not that size matters.
This should keep any form of life well away from your yard. Especially those boy scouts that collect canned food and leave that bag on your door so it ends up floating around in your yard, making you look like you are a pig. Yeah, I hate that. This should keep those little patch-earning fetuses away.
Read more “$6,500.00 Fiberglass Python”
Looking for a new purse? You better hoof it to the store and pay like crazy money for the latest and greatest pieces that bear expensive names who wouldn’t even shake hands with the likes of you. And besides, those un-calloused hands are too busy whipping their slave labor.
Screw that jazz. Just head over to Ebay and buy a purse that looks like it will run away as soon as you set it down. Hey, where ya going with my lipstick? The hoof purse is just $110 and if somebody ever tries to steal it, they are gonna get some serious kicks from animal hooves as you swing this thing. Seriously, the cops will identify the perp by the hoof marks on his weaselly face.
Read more “Weird Hoof Taxidermy Purse”
Want a pair of actual Raccoon faces? Seriously, these are skinned straight from their cute little bodies and thrown on Etsy for your perusal. Only $4.95. That’s a great deal if you are into freaky animal face stuff.
Put them on your golf clubs as covers, have a creepy puppet show with them. The possibilities are really endless. Get super freaky and sew them into your own face as you wield an axe and chase others through a forest. I don’t judge. I’m just here to show you the freaky-deaky.