Tag: etsy

Cast Bronze Finger Wine Stoppers

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Cast Bronze Finger Wine Stoppers
I’ll have two fingers of whiskey bartender! This is wine, we don’t measure it in fingers. We do now thanks to these Cast Bronze Finger Wine Stoppers. Hey! What’d ya give me the finger for? I wonder if I can get a five-finger discount on these. Ha! I crack myself up.

I bet you never fingered me for a comedian. Ewwwwww. The beginning of that sentence didn’t sound right. I’m hoping you wouldn’t do that for anyone, let alone a comedian. And why would he want that? Is it part of his act? Now I made it awkward didn’t I? I’m sorry. Love you guys. Do you love me back? Gah. Made it awkward again.

Humpty Dumpty Halloween Weirdness

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Humpty Dumpty Halloween Weirdness
Here’s something to get egg-cited about. Etsy seller AllysonNagelOriginal makes all kinds of weird, but cool, Humpty Dumpty porcelain figures and scenes. I hear they were still making these figures right up until Yolk-o broke up the band and left things scrambled.

These figures are fun. They make me want to do the Humpty Dance with all of you. *Some woman in Iowa gasps in horror, then calls the police to try to stop this mass orgy before it happens.* Chill lady. I mean it in a non-pervy way. For once. Check out the bonus video below.

Do the Humpty Hump, come on and do the Humpty Hump.
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Custom Notebook Panties

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Custom Notebook Panties
These Custom Notebook Panties can be customized with any message you want. They make your lower area look like notebook paper.

I got a pair of these for myself recently, so I can write the great american novel and display it on my backside. Only tweet sized. Problem is I have writers block so I had to order several pairs.

It was a dark and stormy night… Ugh! Crumbles panties up and throws them in the trash can. Then remembers they are panties and retrieves them to throw in the hamper. Loads up another pair in my old-timey typewriter.*

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Hand Of Glory Candle Holder

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hand candelabra
This hand of glory candle holder should be very handy when the power goes out. As long as some wizard/mad scientist doesn’t re-animate the thing. I don’t mind a weird re-animated hand pinching my butt so much, it’s the setting fire to my pants that I have a problem with. *Runs around like a cartoon, trailing smoke and jumps in a tub of cold water.* Ahhhhh. That’s much better.

I actually used to have one of these, but then I high-fived it and set the drapes on fire. Now I’m not allowed to have fire-things.
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Octopus Lamp

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Octopus Lamp
Damn. This Octopus lamp is scary as hell.

Daddy, why is that Octopus wrestling that lamp?

You see Billy, when an Octopus loves a lamp very much, he forcibly grabs the lamp and wraps himself around it so it can’t get away. Then he has his way with it. Hopefully with the lights out. It cares not about permission. I’m sorry you had to see that son.
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