Tag: etsy

Adventure Time Pocket Plush Toys

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adventure time plush
They had me at Adventure Time, but when they told me to grab a friend, I have to admit I came up with nothin’. So I grabbed my cat and we sat through the first 4 seasons. Man that show is whacked. Fist/Paw bump! Ow! Claw me to shreds much? It’s cool, homies take care of homies. Forever!

These Adventure Time Pocket Plush Toys are plush. They fit in your pocket. Basically it’s an excuse to wear a bunch of extra pockets so each can have a home on my body. Otherwise known as the land of Ewww! All of you plushes can shut your plush hole. I’ll put deodorant on when I’m good and ready!

The seller has all kinds of cute little plushes, but I ran out of pockets after my mom sewed the 9th one on my T-shirt. Now I look like the Hollywood Squares, plush edition. Shut up Lemongrab! The answer to every question is not “Unacceptable!”
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YouTube Photo Prop

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youtube photo prop
Hot damn! This YouTube photo prop turns real life into a YouTube video. It’s also perfect for those folks who are still on dial-up. I’m looking at you Kentucky. Some folks will just never know the joy of a YouTube video.

I’m gonna use this to re-enact my favorite youtube videos in real life. Maybe make my cat put on a show. Stay in the frame Fluffy! Take two! I’m not feeling your grumpiness. Maybe if I take your wet food away for like a week you’ll be able to channel your inner grumpiness. Oh Jesus, can we get a cleanup here? Some of these divas think the whole world is their litterbox! We’re breaking for lunch. If I see any wet lunch anywhere on set, I’m throwing out laser toys and catnip!

Ribcage Hand Tooled Leather Skeleton Corset Belt

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leather skeleton corset
The Ribcage Hand Tooled Leather Skeleton Corset Belt will make it look like you are getting a permanent X-Ray. Every guy who checks you out will want diagnose you. Can’t be helped. Just trying to be helpful and spot any potential problems.

Can you step in front of that light please? *studies the ribs* Hmmmm. Interesting. *calls another guy over* What do you think of that? I agree, that could be a problem. Now get out of here. I need some alone time with the patient. I suggest we operate right away, because I’m a smooth operator. Surgeon? No, I’m no surgeon honey. I thought you said, “Sir, gin”. So, where’s my gin? Nevermind. I’ll have to operate quickly, making it as painless as possible. You other guys can watch and learn. *Clears throat* Well, hello there. Can I have your number? See, you’ve got my heart all locked up in your ribcage. I think we can sort this out by getting together this Saturday night. *Wiggles eyebrows*
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Planetary Lollipops: I Call Uranus!

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outer space lollipops
These Planetary Lollipops mix hard candy with hard science. Mostly not. Mostly it’s your mouth acting like a black hole as you lick and devour every planet into nothingness. Imagine what a gooey delight the Earth is going to be with all of the chewy nougat that is the sea life and people and animals. Yummy. And Uranus? I can only imagine how good that will taste. I- Haha. Walked right into that one.

Hey, you’re not allowed to laugh at me. Only I’m allowed to laugh at me. At least I didn’t say the molten core of Uranus tasted good running over my tongue. I was saving that for Saturn.

Anyway this is probably the only time it will ever be safe to eat Mercury and if you want to see Jupiter Ascending, watch it ascend into your mouth.

Limited Edition Classic Monster Garter Belt

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universal monsters garter belt
Oh my stars and garters! Whatever that means. All I know is that this Limited Edition Classic Monster Garter Belt is sexy time with monsters, which as it happens is also the name of my new band. Basically the idea is that we get up on stage and dry hump a bunch of monster props. I’m in charge of the mummy and boy am I chaffing right now. Who’s got some Goldbond powder? No one? Itchy itchy ouch ouch!

Since this thing is a limited edition, you know that your girl is going to be one of the select few covering her Universal monster with another universal monster. Aaahoooooo! Werewolves of lingerie Aaahooooooooooo!