Tag: etsy

Burrito Baby Blanket

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baby burrito blanket
Hey, is that the baby from teletubbies? I have no idea. Babies all look alike to me. Which is probably why we have taken to wrapping our babies in faux-food items like this Burrito Baby Blanket. Don’t blame me if I’m next to you at Taco Bell and you order yourself a Gordita, while leaving your big burrito unattended. If I see a giant burrito, I’m eating it!

Not even gonna pay attention to the crying, because it wouldn’t be the first time that my food has cried and whimpered as I bite down into it. You are just asking for trouble with this delicious looking blanket. Just bad parenting if you ask me.*burps* And now if you’ll excuse me, I have to make a run to the border.

Stitched Skin Chest

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skin chest
Take that! Suck it you giant Troll. Guys I beat the boss! I’m gonna open the chest. Ewww. Wait! I’m not opening that. It’s looking at me from like every side. This thing is like a Beverly Hills housewife. You need a scalpel to open it up and get the money out! Only this thing ain’t gonna look any better after.

You can’t even try to pick the lock because the damn teeth will snap at you. Oh well, no skin off my chest. Seriously, stop looking at me. What did I say to have you in stitches anyway? You can keep all of your gold and sweet dungeon loot. We’re off to another dungeon. You might want to see a dermatologist pal.
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Houseware Of Horrors

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housewares of horrors
Etsy seller shaynegreco has all kinds of housewares with horrible things crawling all over them. Mostly sea creatures. The only time I’ve seen crabs this size crawling on plates was when I visited that “Gentleman’s club/ Diner” in New Orleans. (Bad combination. Do NOT recommend.) At least these won’t be moving and they won’t require a doctor in a hazmat suit to shut down the premises.

This seller has Octopi on platters, crabs on china and other monstrosities that don’t belong on your dishware. Every time you serve yourself on these creepy plates you are fighting creatures for your food. Get off Lobster! Mine! Go find Nemo and leave my food alone!
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Get Clean Lickety Split With Tongue Soap

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tongue soap
Dogs do it. Cats do it. You should too. I’m not talking about licking your own butt while you stick your leg in the air like some carnival freak. I am talking about cleaning yourself. With your tongue. Your soap tongue. This Human Tongue Soap will get you clean, but may leave you feeling dirty.

It’s perfect for bathing with your partner. Hey, can you tongue under my arms? I have some serious BO. Also, my butt is really dirty today. It needs some extra tongue. Yeah right there. That’s a little tongue in cheek humor, right there.

You can also get the “With Teeth” soap dish shown to go with it if you want to be really weird.

Satanic Rites of Gumby and Other Twisted Gumby Art Prints

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satanic gumby
I always knew Gumby was into some bad stuff. He is an evil little clay turd. Here’s the proof. Behold, as Gumby is exposed for what he is. Here he is doing some weird Satanic ritual stuff. I’m not surprised that Pokey isn’t involved. God only knows what sick stuff he did to that little pony. I think they aim to summon clay Satan himself. You know, Clayton. The dark lord of clay.

This print is the work of Etsy seller ActFigPhotog. Click through for Gumby in the Manchurian Candidate and World War Z too.
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