Check out these brain pot holders. Now you can pretend you are a mad scientist every time you open the oven. They are just $18. from Etsy seller HauteMessThreads.
Be a brainiac in the kitchen with these handy mittens. Hey that rhymes. I had to really brainstorm to write this article. The whole thing was a hair-brained scheme. By now you want to punch me in the brain. Really brain me hard. Okay, I’m done. As in officially brain dead. NOW I’m done. What was I doing? Brain fart! Ha. Done.
Nah. No news to report. I just like to make a big deal of things when I see a crazy-weird and creepy little Avatar baby, who looks like he will grow up to rip the flesh off my nerdy skeletal frame. It is a reborn doll, meaning that an artist created it to look scary real and keep me awake at night. He’s available on Etsy for $145. from lunatoonyweeones. Click through for more images of the artist’s mad scientist-type creations.
Ahhh. Isn’t he cute? Who’s the cute little baby Na’vi? Who’s the cutest wittle Na’vi? I got your nose. Got your nose. HOLY EFFIN JAMES T. KIRK CAMERON, HE BIT MY THUMB OFF! SOMEBODY GET HIM TO BURP IT UP! I AM SO RAPING YOUR PLANET FOR RESOURCES!
Read more “Avatar Sequel Details Leak: It’s All About Avatar Babies!”
Need to up your wardrobe? Just put a bird on it. It’s like a chestbursting alien, only it’s a dead bird’s head. And there is no blood.
Just affix this $95 bird head to your shirt and you are now a cuckoo clock. Maybe you can rig it to pop out on the hour. I hope you and your fine feathered friend have lots of adventures together. Cuckoo. Cuckoo.
Click through for more bird-on-man images.
Read more “Turn Any Hipster Into A Cuckoo Clock With This Bird Head Brooch”
This awesome $129. monster hat is just waiting to transform you into a furry three-eyed monster so you can go all om-nom-nom on somebody. It comes with claw mittens so you can go all Wolverine on your prey too.
I have to say, this is the cutest monster I’ve ever seen and I applaud the choice of bra over a furry chest piece. You can hide under my bed any time you want. Just don’t attack while the bed is rocking. Wait 30 seconds when you hear me reach for a kleenex. Otherwise things could get awkward.
What? I have a cold. Been coughing a lot and rocking the bed. These fits usually last about a minute and happen once a night. I’m a sick sick man.
Read more “Crazy Monster Hat With Claw Mittens”
These $150. “Purgatory” Skull Heelless Wedges are named all wrong. They are clearly from Hell and forged from the souls of one hundred tormented shoe designers. You will be hell on heels, that’s for sure. Oh wait. No heels here.
Is this what’s hot this summer? Women are already taller than me when they wear platform shoes. Now, they are gonna be taller than me and look like a friggin’ demon.
Oh hello, I hate blind dates, what are you looking for in a man?*looks up at the goth Amazon princess. And up. And up. Neck hurts. Ow!*
*Eyes rolling back in her head. Voice like Barry White talking through James Earl Jones.* A virgin that can be kicked about the scrotum with skull wedges and then sacrificed to appease my ancient lord.
Well, that sounds like me. And since no one is raising their hands to make love to me real quick-like(I asked), I’m out!
Get the check b*tch. I’ll leave a tip: A virgin will easily outrun you in Skull wedges! Ha ha! I live to be celibate another day! Not much of a victory, but whatevs!
Read more “Mrs. Skeletor, I Presume: “Purgatory” Skull Heelless Wedges”