Tag: halloween

Nasty Human Mouth Coffee Cup

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

mouth coffee cup
Is it wrong that these nasty mouth coffee cups make me want to tongue my mug really good to get that last drop of coffee? I’m a sucker for a mouth that looks like it belongs to a sea hag with a serious meth problem. No, meth problem. Not math problem. She only has a math problem if she can’t count the few teeth she has.

These human mouth coffee mugs certainly look enticing. They are based on new technology that makes you vomit a little in your cup for every sip you take. A sip of coffee for a bit of sick sounds like a fair exchange to me. However that anus with a tooth known as “C” really scares me.
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Own The Night: Bat Pajama Costume

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bat pajama costume
Every night will be an adventure with this Bat Pajama costume. My wife will be all like “Hey stop hitting me with your flappy wings. And your ear just poked my eye!”

I’ll be all like “Eeek. Eeeek. Eeeek.” Followed by more intense wing flapping action. Then I’ll bite her neck and fly off in a puff of smoke to sleep upside down in the doorway. Until I sleep so deep that I fall and hit my head anyway. Although she may get up to pee before that ever happens, because her bladder is as active as my wings. In which case, I’ll get punched in the gut and THEN fall and hit my head. Then I’ll have to use my sonar to find the couch.

Zombie Vs. Werewolf Socks

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zombie vs werewolf socks
These Men’s Zombie Vs. Werewolf Socks are awesome. And my tootsies haven’t had a monster death match in a long time. Now fight!

Who will win? I’m putting my money on the Werewolf because that Zombie looks like he’s almost passed out from that guy’s foot stink. Who am I kidding? Everybody wins with monster socks. I’m gonna just lay around and make them fight all day. Look out! The Werewolf has a knife! Ha. I knew that long toenail would come in handy. Finish him!

Skull Business Card Holder

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skull business card holder
This skull business card holder is perfect for undertakers and such. It really makes an impression and insures that they won’t just throw out your card when they leave. Nothing says repeat business like cards in a human skull.

The cards really should have a brain design though. And the person should have to reach deep into the skull to get one and get their hand all squishy and wet. See, this is why my businesses never get off the ground.

Dog Rider Costume Harness

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dog harness costume barbarian
Sweet! Thanks to these Dog Rider Harnesses, now my dog will look really cool when I race him against the other dogs in the park. It’s not so much racing as it is my dog chasing other dogs and mounting them. It usually ends with an old woman crying and clutching a tiny shaky pooch to her chest, while my dog takes a poop of shame and then we get away through some bushes.

You can choose all kinds of dog riders: There’s a cowboy, a jockey, a mailman, a monkey, even a cat!
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