Tag: recycled

Alien Xenomorph Queen Lamp

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

aliens lamp
Etsy seller Kreatworks creates all kinds of awesome and scary alien sculptures. Most of them cost way more than I have saved in my piggybank. I know, because I just busted the thing open and counted it all up before walking down the street and spending my life savings on a Kit Kat bar. Well, THAT was a tasty retirement! Back to work now!

Anyway, this Alien Xenomorph Queen Lamp is all kinds of scary and awesome. It will totally watch you all night long as you watch it back, until you are a nervous wreck and hiding under the blankets, cursing the fact that you soiled yourself.

Lesson learned. Some things are just too scary to have in your bedroom. The next morning you decide that it would look much better in your toddler’s room.
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Beer And Soda Can Lamps

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mountain dew lamp
Etsy seller LicenseToCraft makes all kinds of cool lamps that are apparently designed for 30 year old nerds who plan on dying in their mother’s basement. You know, like this Mountain Dew lamp pictured above. Yeah, the one with the green shade made from pull tabs that look like a bunch of green alien heads. If that isn’t enough, look at the light this thing casts! That’s like 100 alien grey heads on the wall! All huddled together like an invasion force. Holy sh*t I am wigging the f**k out! You see that right?

If you think that’s no big deal, check out the Monster energy drink lamp below, casting what looks like a bunch of hooded demons against the wall! This is some serious illuminati(on) stuff right here! No wonder this drink gives people nose bleeds.

The Red Bull lamp projects some kind of weird bird creatures. It’s time for me to leave the internet for awhile. Thanks for making me trip balls internet!
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Land Line Lighting: Rotary Telephone Table Lamp

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phone light

This old rotary phone may take forever to dial a number, but as a lamp it works instantly. It’s the ultimate in land line lighting.

I have one myself and I like it a lot. Thing is, every time I answer the phone I burn the hell out of my ear and mouth area. So I have trouble talking and I can hear about as well as a 90 year old at an AC/DC concert. People are starting to ask if I have a learning disability. No. I jus hath a cool lump in ma fone. It makes shaving really easy though. When I answer the phone I just rub it around my face for a clean shave before saying Haw-whoa.

Beer Bottle Telephone For All Your Drunk Dialing Needs

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

beer telephoneDrunk dialing will take on a whole new meaning with this awesome Beer Bottle telephone. “Hello, alcohol? I lob you man. No, really. Yer like, my faborite thing ever.” *hiccup* “What? Nah. No man. I meant to dial you. Alcohol is just a term of endangerment. I mean endearment.”

*Nods off and jolts awake* “Hello! I’d like to make a collect call to my liber, uh, liver. Make it quick brewmaster, or operator, or whatever. He’s drowning.” *decorates the wall with a puke jet-stream. Wipes mouth with arm* “Nevermind. All better now. Can you get me a cleaning lady instead?”
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I’m Having A Crayola Coronary: Recycled Crayon Human Hearts

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

crayon human heartsEtsy seller TaylorAnnArt captured our hearts with her sexy Hot Glue corset and now these crayon human hearts have captured our attention. I think she should make a triple bypass coloring book, with pages and pages of obese folk scarfing down Big Macs and downing Big Gulps.

Each heart is made from about 30 crayons. They look pretty cool. I plan on using them to keep those noisy neighbor kids away from my house. “Oh hey. Thanks for making all that noise by my window you snot-nosed mobile fetus. Do you like crayons? Oh yeah? THIS ONE was made from the heart of the last little boy who interrupted my mid-day nerd nap! Enjoy!”
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