I always wanted to snuggle up with a Xenomorph on a cold winter night. Then I got married and I have all the horror I could ever want from a cuddle partner. I kid. I kid. She reads this blog. This Alien Xenomorph Custom Plush will either kill you or cuddle you. Your chances are 50/50. Don’t be fooled by his cuteness. It takes 3-4 weeks for delivery, because they have to hatch this guy, incubate him, give him a lust for blood etc.
Tag: scifi
Predator Paintball Mask: Get To Da Choppa!
This custom Predator Paintball mask immediately makes you the target if you play in my paintball games. Don’t get all creative and start making Predator noises either because someone will take you down. So what? You can cloak and become invisible. I’m just gonna put mud all over myself and arm a nuke so you can’t see me. How ya like me now? We Earthlings bite back! No easy prey here!
Just gonna lay in the mud and wait. Then when he’s close and almost walking over me, I’m gonna rise up and go all Sherwin-Williams on his preda-testicles. How you like that? You like getting a crotch full of paint?
*gets huge knife out as the dude takes the mask off* Hey man, wtf!!! It’s me! Your buddy!
Oh thank God you’re here. You aren’t going to believe this, but there was just a- Where did that Predator go?
*Other buddy walks up* You know not to confuse him. He still thinks Superman and Clark Kent are two different people!
I don’t know what you guys are talking about, but I have a Predator to kill. *Shakes head as I walk away* Only my idiot friends would think that Supes and Clark are the same guy. Anyway, looks like I’m on my own in this fight. Where are you, you ugly Spider-Faced freak? Show yourself!
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H.R. Giger Alien Heels: In Space No One Can Hear Your Calves Scream
These Alien inspired heels are super scary. I keep waiting for a second mouth to come out of the toe area and drool everywhere. Would I date a woman wearing these shoes? Hell to the no! No way am I letting her spend the night so that her shoes can go on a killing spree in my spaceship. And no way am I going to her place to find out what other shoes she has in her closet of horrors.
These shoes are so scary you need a Giger counter to measure the fear. Ha. See what I did there. I am so awesome. High five. How about a hug instead? Ahhh. Tricked you, I’m a face hugger!
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Avatar Sequel Details Leak: It’s All About Avatar Babies!
Nah. No news to report. I just like to make a big deal of things when I see a crazy-weird and creepy little Avatar baby, who looks like he will grow up to rip the flesh off my nerdy skeletal frame. It is a reborn doll, meaning that an artist created it to look scary real and keep me awake at night. He’s available on Etsy for $145. from lunatoonyweeones. Click through for more images of the artist’s mad scientist-type creations.
Ahhh. Isn’t he cute? Who’s the cute little baby Na’vi? Who’s the cutest wittle Na’vi? I got your nose. Got your nose. HOLY EFFIN JAMES T. KIRK CAMERON, HE BIT MY THUMB OFF! SOMEBODY GET HIM TO BURP IT UP! I AM SO RAPING YOUR PLANET FOR RESOURCES!
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Kuato Total Recall Mutant Cosplay
Kuato. He’s like Chucky, but more grotesque and baby-like. Now you can have Kuato on your very own stomach for $149.99. This thing is giving me ulcers and stomach pains just looking at it. I feel like I have my own Kuato bursting out of my gut. You know what? That was just my noon burrito. Ever since lunch I’ve been the star of my own movie called bloatal recall. Oh the pain! Make sure you click through for a super special treat.
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