Tag: strange

Twinkle Tush: Jewelry For You Cat’s Butt

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twinkle tush
Twinkle Tush. It’s no longer just a crude name shouted at me by construction workers, accompanied by whistles and catcalls. It’s my own fault for sewing bicycle reflectors into the butts of cut-off jeans. Hey, I like to walk at night. Safety first, fashion last. Anyway, Twinkle Tush is also shiny cat jewelry. I’m talkin’ ice. Bling bling. For your cat’s puckered butt-ring.

True to it’s name, it makes your cat’s butt twinkle like a Solid Gold Dancer. Did I date myself with that sentence? In that case, Imma go cuddle myself and have a smoke now. Maybe stroke my hair and whisper, then fall asleep. Was it good for me? It was the best baby.
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Raven Chandelier

Artemis Winterford1 Comment

Raven Chandelier
Nevermore. Nevermore. *Looks up at my Raven chandelier.* Shut up already, I’m trying to eat dinner. I’m raven-ous here. Geesh. Sorry, did I ruffle your feathers? *Sarcastic.* That’s soooo raven! What the- Nice. Poop all over me and my dinner. Great. I knew I should have stuck with traditional decor. Nice. Shake your tail feathers after. Did that feel good?

This cool and slightly creepy piece of raven lighting features birds with a 36″ wingspan. Will it be dark in the room? Nevermore. Will you want to eat under this thing? Nevermore.

Porcelain Figurines With Insect Heads

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Porcelain Figurines With Insect Heads
Etsy seller CuriousCryptidCurios makes all kinds of cool and freaky and trippy Porcelain Figurines With Insect Heads. Or as I like to call Miss Mantis’ work…Chantilly lace and a Mantis Face. These don’t look like my grandma’s figurines. Well, there was that one day. Visiting grandma’s house on LSD is NOT recommended. I spent half the walk there trying to get rid of a big bad wolf who had the swirling cosmos behind it’s hooded cowl.

Over the river and through the woods, to Grandmother’s house we go…Insane! Once I got there the Praying Mantis figures greeted me, we had dinner, talked with the elf elders from behind the cupboard and finally worshiped at the altar of my grandmother’s dentures on the sink. Good times. David Lynch was there, as were various melty things like reality itself. You gotta do what ya gotta do to deal with grandma’s stories.
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Real Granny Panties: Golden Girls Underwear

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For Real Granny Panties Golden Girls Underwear
This 4 pack of Golden Girls underwear from Etsy shop BulletandBees will keep your crotch covered in old ladies for 4 out of the 5 business days of the week. I guess we need a fifth granny to round out the week. I vote for my granny. She’s always up in people’s business. Plus, she’s crotchety. Which means she’s grumpy, not that she likes to knit. Also, my granddaddy always used to say, “Get off my crotch woman!”

So yeah, I vote grandma. I hope she wins the panty election of 2015 and I get full credit as her campaign manager. She’s for the people and won’t leave ya crotch-less. Hope and change is her slogan. Not that that worked out so well last time. She HOPES that you will CHANGE your undies on a regular basis. What if you got into a car accident, for God’s sake?

Thanks Jeremy. I know you got yourself a 4 pack.

These Kraken Heels Are Tenta-Cool

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Unleash The Kraken... Heels
What’s Kraken baby? Your Kraken Heels that’s what? Now you can unleash it whenever you open your closet and put these bad boys on. When you wear a creature from the abyss, the abyss looks back at you. Cuz these shoes have eyes. I feel like a heel after typing that. These shoes are tenta-cool and hopefully not tenta-cruel to your feet. Now you will be taking each step with your tootsies wrapped in the cold and slimy embrace of a sea monster.

If your shoes have eyes, you are looking up your own skirt. Just saying. I hope you get a good eyeful of your own stuff.