It’s Christmas time again. Let’s have a look at what kinds of weird and bizarre stuff Etsy is brewing up for this holiday season. You can decide if they are ho ho ho or no no no. Do they deck the halls or wreck the halls? Do sleigh bells ring? Are you listening? Grab some hot cocoa and get a blanket to hide under. This stuff could give you nightmares
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Author: Artemis Winterford
Inflatable Toast
Inflatable Toast is the toast of the town. It is guaranteed to turn your frown upside down. That much is certain. But what the hell do you do with it? Hang it from your car rearview mirror? Present it to a mouse as a nice comfy air mattress?
I have no idea. I just really love toast enough to buy this. Toast is awesome. Buttery toast with jam. Yummy. Maybe I will use this as a toast rest. I have no idea, but I feel a rhyme coming on.
Inflatable Toast.
Blow it up with some air.
Put some butta on dat b**ch
like you don’t even care.
Spread it real good
till it’s nice and creamy.
I eat toast in the shower
all nice and steamy.
Bottom of ma toaster
all filled with crumbs.
All you haters of carbs
are f***ing dumb!
Life Sized Cyclops Skull
This Cyclops Skull is perfect for your desk. You could put like an 8-ball in the eye socket or give him a cool visor that turns him into Cyclops from the X-Men. Who is not a real cyclops by the way. He has two eyes. He just burns the s**t out of everything he looks at.
This bad boy is limited to 100 pieces. All with one eye socket and surprisingly well preserved teeth. Ever since he lost his eye he’s been a real sigh-clops. Ha ha ha.
Get two. Call them Jack. Put them on the top shelf. Now you have a pair of one-eyed jacks. Faces high! I slay me.
Where does a Cyclops go to get prescription lenses for his monocle? The Clop-tometrist. Ha ha ha.
Booze booze everywhere. Tired now. Sleepy time.
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Skull Violin
If I had any musical talent at all I would have a violin like this one. Then again, maybe not. I get the feeling that you only get to play it one time before it absorbs your soul, adding your skull to it’s collection as you turn into a pile of dust on stage.
On the other hand, if I ever find my myself in Georgia at the same time the devil went down there, I’d totally challenge him to a fiddle playing contest. How hard could it be? I’d just hit him over the head with my fiddle while he’s playing his. Hey, he didn’t say what kind of fiddle duel. Just that we would use fiddles. Ha ha Suck it Satan.
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“Poop Office” Plush Dropping
See that little stool on the chair? That’s a poop you can take to the office. Not a poop you take at the office. It is a “Poop Office” plush doll. The size is healthy, but I don’t know about that color and shape.
This is Poopert, from the comic series Poop Office. I didn’t even know that existed. Probably because I spend more time making these things than reading about them. Then it all comes full circle as I write about them. Write what ya know.
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