Aliens Making Crop Circles

crop circleThis print shows aliens making a crop circle. Just like humans, you got three guys working hard and busting their hump, while some supervisor jagoff shouts orders and tells them they aren’t doing it fast enough. “Hurry it up. You want to get demoted to anal probing again? I’m looking at you Ramirez. We don’t break until this whole field looks like a level of Pac-Man!”

Look at that one guy sitting around. There’s always one of them…and it’s usually me. I’m blogging while on a construction crew right now. Some dude just asked me to lower him down a wrench, but I’m having enough trouble holding a laptop while balancing on a steel beam, so I just kicked him down a hammer that was lying here. Totally meant to do that. Whatever a wrench can do, a hammer can do better. Just ask Thor! If wrenches were so great, he would carry one! Anyway, that was like 5 minutes ago and-

Well there’s the lunch siren/ambulance. Quittin’ time.

Run! Steampunk Octopus On A Chariot

steampunk octopusWhen you see a steampunk octopus wearing goggles, waving a trident at you, while riding a chariot, you better run like hell. This awesome piece is made almost entirely out of wood.

Is it octopus or octopi? An octopi sounds delicious, but I bet it would be all slimy and nasty. Do they travel in an octopod? If they get hurt, do the leak octo-puss? Stop confusing my octopuses. And stop chasing people on chariots. It’s 2014. Would it kill you to use one of your 8 limbs to open a car door and get in?
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Crazy Cat Lady Action Figure Set

Crazy Cat Lady Action Figure SetThis Crazy Cat Lady Action Figure Set is perfect. I’ve been looking for a suitable mate for my Boba Fett action figure. He is a week away from retirement and looking for that special someone to settle down with.

It’s not all that authentic though. My neighbor is a crazy cat lady, so I should know. The hair isn’t messed up enough and falling out. Plus she’s not barefoot with poop between her toes. Or coming on to me, with that sultry gap-toothed smile. Still, I think Boba will be happy. And he can always put her in carbon freeze if she annoys him.

Fortune Telling Squirrel Taxidermy

fortune telling squirrelEtsy seller DeadGoodJewellery‘s friend found some roadkill by the roadside(off-road kill in that case) so naturally they played with the corpse and turned it into a dead fortune telling squirrel. Because that is what most of us would do in that situation. She says that it is inspired by the film “The Imaginarium Of Doctor Parnassus”.

Let me gaze into my crystal ball… I see darkness. No. Two lights approach.

Is it a tall handsome stranger?

No. It is a car.

Is it my car?

No. The headlights draw closer. The light is blinding.

Is it my mother? She is supposed to pick me up after this reading.

No. It is…Ahhhhh! So much blood.

Oh no. Am I going to die?

What? Sorry. Was seeing my own death in this thing. That happens sometimes. Holy hell! What a bloody mess! Where were we? Oh yeah. Your reading. Looks like you are destined to be mauled by a dead squirrel who is hell-bent on revenge. The answer is yes. You ARE going to die!
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Turning Laundry Into Money: Levi’s Jeans Sculpture

levis jeans artThis is a pile of dirty laundry turned into a Jeans sculpture by artist Chris Riggs. He basically stapled a bunch of Levi’s jeans onto a piece of wood so they could have a denim orgy and fetch $1,999. from some bidder who needs pants on their wall.

Big deal. My pants do this all the time. I take ’em off, throw ’em over a frame hanging on my wall and they either stick or they don’t. I don’t make a big deal about it and call it “art”. Some people. Actually they always stick. Then they get stiff and it’s impossible to tear them off. The mound sticks out like 2 feet now. I use the pockets as an organizer to hold pens and stuff. As you might have guessed, I don’t get much company.