Author: Artemis Winterford

Jesus And Mary As Batman And Robin

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Batman and Robin Virgin Mary and JesusLooks like Jesus and Mary like the old cosplay. Mary looks pretty sexy as Batman, but Jesus as Robin just looks like Weird Al Yankovic. This dynamic duo is hand painted and only $150. from Etsy seller mdinovo, who sells a bunch of statues that have been given a comic book or pop culture makeover.

Click through to see a Virgin Mary Darth Maul and John Rambo Jesus… John Rambo Jesus. Damn that is a sweet name. “I swear to John Rambo Jesus, if you don’t shut up-” “What in the John Rambo Jesus is going on here?”
Read more “Jesus And Mary As Batman And Robin”

Dr. Oz Zombie Heart Surgeon Doll

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

doctor oz zombie dollDr. Oz. The women love this guy. And why not? Any dude who uses props of giant rectums and vaginas, and makes his audience interact with dried human hearts is a guy that chicks obviously feel safe around. Seems legit. Well, how do you like him now? This Zombie Dr. Oz will eat your brain right out of your head, but not before he does a little open heart surgery on you.

This version of Mehmet Oz was made from a Ken doll and will cost you $130. on Ebay. 10% of the money is going to a Pet Rescue charity, so there’s that. You can have him chase your Barbies around the Malibu Beach home. Not that Barbie has any brains.

Check out some more pics below.
Read more “Dr. Oz Zombie Heart Surgeon Doll”

Your Wipe Zone Is Now Clearly Defined: The Butt Face Towel

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

butt face towelWe’ve all been there. You get out of the shower and you wipe your face on your towel and for some reason it smells like butt. Eh, probably nothing. Just keep wiping. A few hours go by and you find a small constellation of hemorrhoids forming on your lower lip. Now you got butt-crud all over your face. All because someone else used your towel as dental floss for their crack.

The Butt Face towel will solve this problem. It has a clearly defined butt zone and a clearly defined face zone. Keep that butt-funk where it belongs. Only $13.27 from Amazon. Get some Butt Face soap too.

I’m Having A Crayola Coronary: Recycled Crayon Human Hearts

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

crayon human heartsEtsy seller TaylorAnnArt captured our hearts with her sexy Hot Glue corset and now these crayon human hearts have captured our attention. I think she should make a triple bypass coloring book, with pages and pages of obese folk scarfing down Big Macs and downing Big Gulps.

Each heart is made from about 30 crayons. They look pretty cool. I plan on using them to keep those noisy neighbor kids away from my house. “Oh hey. Thanks for making all that noise by my window you snot-nosed mobile fetus. Do you like crayons? Oh yeah? THIS ONE was made from the heart of the last little boy who interrupted my mid-day nerd nap! Enjoy!”
Read more “I’m Having A Crayola Coronary: Recycled Crayon Human Hearts”

A Slice Of Bacon With A Side Of Education: Anatomical Pig Digestive System Poster

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

pig anatomy posterOk, so I’m looking at the poster, but I’m not seeing where the bacon is. Nor do I see where hot dogs come from. I can tell you that the pork pooper is not at all what I thought it would be.

This $145 vintage poster from Ebay will teach you all kinds of things about the anatomy of Pigs. The most important thing that I took away from this is that I really could use a bacon sandwich. Oh, and what a pig pooper looks like.