Category: Just Plain Weird

1LB Bag Of Gummy Chicken Feet

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chicken feet gummy candy
Happy Halloween sir! Happy Halloween kid. Here’s a 1LB Bag Of Gummy Chicken Feet. *Dumps it into the kids bag and it instantly sags to the floor.* I was gonna give out Snickers, but clearly I don’t give a cluck!

You suck old man!

Then give me my chicken feet back! That’s what I thought! You better run. Use 2 of those gummy feet to run away like a little chicken. Punk! Bawk! Bawk!

Why this kid comes to my door dressed as the Comcast guy every f***ing time someone new moves in next door, I have no idea. Has his own truck and everything. Kid obviously has no idea that Halloween happens once a year. I just humor him. Great! The cable is out again!

Party Animal Face Coasters

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Party Animal Face Coasters
Unleash your inner party animal with these Party Animal Face Coasters! No, not the monkey. He’s just gonna start breaking stuff and going crazy. I hope that’s brown play-doh he’s throwing! My party animal is the baby kangaroo, cuz I get all bouncy and start jumping around to the music. Also, there’s a good chance I’ll end up deep in your pouch ladies. It’s all good, cuz I’m yours. I’ll never stray. I ain’t no cheetah!
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Home Decor From Hell: Demon Skin Rug

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Demon Skin Rug
This Demon Skin Rug really ties the room together. And insures that no one ever enters that room again. Sure, it’s dead, but dead bees can still sting ya. I ain’t takin’ any chances. Look at the tongue on this thing. And the teeth.

Check out the images below to see this thing all laid out on a covered hot tub. That’s exactly where I would put it too if I wanted people to stay out. It’s as good as a sign that says, “this hot tub is protected by Satan and his minions.”

It’s expensive, but the seller says that it can be purchased on “LAY” away. They made a funny. Which I would find hilarious if I weren’t so scared.
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Wine Bottle Life Preserver Cover

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Wine Bottle Life Preserver Cover
I wish I had one of these Wine Bottle Life Preserver Covers for that cruise I took last summer. And by cruise I mean single fat white dude floating down a river in an inner tube, hugging a bag of Doritos and a bottle of wine.

The water got pretty rough and upended my bag of chips and I lost that bottle of wine as I helplessly floated away. I shouted, “Man overboard! I mean Booze overboard!” but there was nothing I could do but cry and mourn as the water carried me away. So needless. Such a senseless loss. Next time I’ll be prepared. Might even have pants on too. But not likely.

Monster Bottles Inspired By Lovecraft

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Monster Poison Bottles
These personalized Monster Bottles Inspired By Lovecraft look amazing. OrionOddities makes all kinds. I’mma fill mine with with green soda and call it Montain Cthulu-Dew! Maybe fill ’em with chocolate sludge and call it Goo-Hoo.

Awesome. Did you say they are personalized?

Yeah, they’re pretty cool.

*One week later.*

Here’s your birthday gift!

Oh sweet! The Lovecraft bottles I wanted!

Check it out. I had them personalize them.

*Checks them out.* They all say, “Enjoy your Monster drinks you fat f**k!” *sigh* I will. You are so thoughtful. And descriptive. *tear falls from eye.*
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