*Wipes nose.* Don’t worry, I hid the stuff real good man. *Sniff* No one is ever gonna find it. *Involuntary arm jerk.* F**kin’ feds! *Sniff. Snort.* It’s in the one labeled cocaine!
Hide that Yeyo in the last place they would expect to find it. In a kitchen accessory labeled Cocaine. MoreThanPorcelain sells several kitchen items like sugar pots and creamers, all labeled Cocaine. Cuz you know, it helps to label stuff, even if all you have is plain old sugar in your sugar pot.
What’s up Cthulhu? I see you took my advice and grew a Cthulhu beard. See, now you look like a wise and evil ancient horror. You’re welcome. What? No, I’m not gonna help you trim that thing. All these scissors are gonna do is cut off like a million bits of tentacle until it looks like a serial killer fought an octopus in here. Okay fine, hold still.
An hour later…
*Sweeping up tentacle shavings from all over the floor.* What’s that? Bag it up and take all of it to a restaurant? Some place that serves calamari? So that your evil can affect the bellies of a million mortals? Sounds like a plan. It’s all swept up and I’m outta here. I’ll check in on you next week and we’ll see about fixing that computer problem. No, I know, there’s really no reason your Facebook doesn’t work. You adjusted the rabbit ears and everything.
*Grumbles.* Christ, this guy’s worse than my own grandmother. Oh well. Ya gotta be cool to your elders.
Hey, you wanna learn some science? Gather round kids and experience the wonder and majesty that is Owl barf. This Unreal Upchuck Owl Skeleton Kit will teach you all about the fact that owls eat other living things. And then puke their bones back up. Ain’t life beautiful?
Your kids will experience the thrill of dissecting owl puke and rebuilding skeletons. Apparently it’s all hypoallergenic and sanitary. As sanitary as owl puke can be. But first- *BWHOOOAAAAA* Sorry kids. As you can see, I had skittles and a bucket of KFC for lunch. As you can see, I like our owl friends am not afraid to eat the bones. Reconstruct this bucket of KFC and I’ll know you are ready for owl puke.
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In this episode of Bathing With Cthulhu….Man, this Cthulhu Tentacle Tub Drain Stopper is reaching through your drain and will stop at nothing until it is grabbing and strangling your man-junk full throttle and pulling your ripped off manhood down into the underworld. Why? Don’t ask me. I have no idea what goes through the minds of ancient evil entities.
I just know it wants your junk and it will get it. Apparently greenish bathwater helps attract it. Peeing in the water might help. So yeah, I’m probably safe. It’s the first thing I do when I have a bath. Hey, it’s relaxing. You don’t want me to strain my bladder trying to hold it, do you?
We’ve featured UndeadEds work before. The man is prolific at churning out disgusting things. I mean that in a good way. His latest work are these The Zombie Simpsons, which features your favorite Springfield characters as The Walking Dead. They even glow in the dark so you won’t need a flashlight to see them at night.
Reminds me of the time the power went out and the wife told me to grab the flashlight. It ended with, “Ohhhh. I thought you said grab the fleshlight. That makes more sense. Better put this back then.”
Hit the link to see them in all their gory. I mean glory.