Category: Just Plain Weird

Wooden Head Knife Block

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

wood head knife block
Check out this wooden head knife block from Etsy seller DisturbingWood. Ha! DisturingWood! You should see me in the morning! *rimshot*

I need another knife block like I need a knife through my wooden head, but if you buy this one, make sure you giggle every time you slam a knife down into it, just to make your guests or housemates really uncomfortable. No charge for that tip. I have a million ways to clear a room and they don’t all involve ejecting poison gas from my butthole. Although that is my specialty.

Face Coasters: Protect Your Furniture, Change Your Face

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

face coasters
These Gentlemen’s Club Face Coasters attach to your nose and let you change your face. It beats plastic surgery! These are perfect for when you need an instant disguise.

These coasters are double sided so this set of 20 will let you choose between 40 different images. No one is going to recognize the lower half of your face. You can be an old man, choose from several mustaches, meth teeth and more. Pretty sweet!
Read more “Face Coasters: Protect Your Furniture, Change Your Face”

Alien Head Salt And Pepper Shakers

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

alien salt and pepper shakers
This set of Alien Head Salt And Pepper Shakers is what you want on the table when you abduct your next dinner guest. As any alien knows, it is only polite to feed them first, before you go anal probing the subject. Wine ’em, dine ’em, then confine ’em. That’s my motto! Wait! That came out wrong. I mean, if I was an alien.

This is a swell spread guys. You are the best dinner hosts an abductee could want. Thanks for the meal. And here I was worried that I was going to be subjected to experimentation. Ha! You guys are alright! What’s next? I have plenty of room for dessert!*rubs tummy*

*Four sets of black eyes turn toward me* The leader sends me a telepathic answer:

Uranus.

*Jaw drops to the table.* *Passes out and falls forward into a bowl of mashed potatoes.*

Post Apocalyptic Steampunk Mickey Mouse Gas Mask

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

mickey gas mask
If Disney is to survive the apocalypse, someone is going to have to be Mickey Mouse. Go on. Put the mask on. It is your destiny. Give in to your hate. Feel the merchandising coursing through you. Hear the cries of 10 billion overweight tourists. Feel the power of the dark side.

Or just, you know, wear this thing on Halloween. Or to protect your lungs from Minnie’s farts. She may be a mini-mouse, but those farts are the farts of a 500 pound Scrooge McDuck!

Rest Your Legal Tender On This Money Beanbag Chair

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

money beanbag
It’s all about the Benjamins. Those soft and comfortable beanbag Benjamins. Your love of money knows no bounds, so cuddle up with a hundred dolla bill. Put your booty in Benjamin Franklin’s face and shake your money maker. Sink down deep into that green and sniff that chedda. Lay all over that sweet stash o cash. Jump on your Money beanbag chair in triumph. Cuz this is the life.

Hundred dolla bill yall!
Read more “Rest Your Legal Tender On This Money Beanbag Chair”