Tag: etsy

Porcelain Figurines With Insect Heads

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Porcelain Figurines With Insect Heads
Etsy seller CuriousCryptidCurios makes all kinds of cool and freaky and trippy Porcelain Figurines With Insect Heads. Or as I like to call Miss Mantis’ work…Chantilly lace and a Mantis Face. These don’t look like my grandma’s figurines. Well, there was that one day. Visiting grandma’s house on LSD is NOT recommended. I spent half the walk there trying to get rid of a big bad wolf who had the swirling cosmos behind it’s hooded cowl.

Over the river and through the woods, to Grandmother’s house we go…Insane! Once I got there the Praying Mantis figures greeted me, we had dinner, talked with the elf elders from behind the cupboard and finally worshiped at the altar of my grandmother’s dentures on the sink. Good times. David Lynch was there, as were various melty things like reality itself. You gotta do what ya gotta do to deal with grandma’s stories.
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Bigfoot Nesting Dolls: Matryo-Squatch

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Bigfoot Nesting Dolls Matryoshka-Squatch
Bigfoots have a natural nesting instinct. They like to build nests out of dead tree limbs and stuff. So it makes sense that Bigfoot would be part of a nesting doll set. Etsy seller licoricewits has two cool sets of Bigfoot nesting dolls available. Better get ’em before they are gone and there is no photographic evidence. *Raises wrist to check my Sasquatch Watch.* I predict these will be gone within the hour. That’s when I plan to buy them and let out a huge Wookie-type roar.

The first set features Bigfoot, the Jersey Devil and the Cupacabra. The second set is a Bigfoot family.
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Real Granny Panties: Golden Girls Underwear

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For Real Granny Panties Golden Girls Underwear
This 4 pack of Golden Girls underwear from Etsy shop BulletandBees will keep your crotch covered in old ladies for 4 out of the 5 business days of the week. I guess we need a fifth granny to round out the week. I vote for my granny. She’s always up in people’s business. Plus, she’s crotchety. Which means she’s grumpy, not that she likes to knit. Also, my granddaddy always used to say, “Get off my crotch woman!”

So yeah, I vote grandma. I hope she wins the panty election of 2015 and I get full credit as her campaign manager. She’s for the people and won’t leave ya crotch-less. Hope and change is her slogan. Not that that worked out so well last time. She HOPES that you will CHANGE your undies on a regular basis. What if you got into a car accident, for God’s sake?

Thanks Jeremy. I know you got yourself a 4 pack.

These Kraken Heels Are Tenta-Cool

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Unleash The Kraken... Heels
What’s Kraken baby? Your Kraken Heels that’s what? Now you can unleash it whenever you open your closet and put these bad boys on. When you wear a creature from the abyss, the abyss looks back at you. Cuz these shoes have eyes. I feel like a heel after typing that. These shoes are tenta-cool and hopefully not tenta-cruel to your feet. Now you will be taking each step with your tootsies wrapped in the cold and slimy embrace of a sea monster.

If your shoes have eyes, you are looking up your own skirt. Just saying. I hope you get a good eyeful of your own stuff.

Life Size Zombie Head Purse

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Life Size Zombie Head Handbag
This Life Size Zombie Head Purse is pre-shot for your enjoyment. It’s the perfect place to hold all of your post-apocalyptic necessities. Like guns, knives and first-aid kits. Plus, whenever you get accosted by a zombie you can just hold this head up and let ’em know you mean business. You wanna be next? Huh? How ’bout I install a zipper in that rotting melon you call a head and pack my makeup inside! You like that?

Speaking of makeup, that purse could use some eye cream. Check out all those bags under his eyes. I haven’t seen so many old and wrinkly bags since the 1986 Golden Girls convention, but when you’re a super fan like me ya just gotta deal. Look at the bloodshot eyes on this thing too. And the hole in the head. Maybe keep your lipstick in that hole for easy access.