Tag: horror

Dark Shadows Gargoyle Sculptural Lamp

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Dark Shadows Gargoyle Sculptural Lamp
Damn, this gargoyle is all like, “Waz up? I have arrived and I’m about to move my wings like a trench coat and flash you.” Enjoy the ethereal light that seems to emminate from his ghostly gargoyle crotch. This Dark Shadows Gargoyle Sculptural Lamp is half evil, half… I don’t know what. I just know I don’t want to see his demon weenie, but he seems to be threatening to show it. Is that a light in your loafers or are you just happy to see me? Both? Cool. This lamp will cast some neat light onto your wall, I just hope it doesn’t cast a shadow shaped like his demonic junk.

Gargamel the gargoyle got gassy and gargled garlic in the great gazebo with Gonzo the ghost guest. I just had to type that. No reason. Glad I got that out of my system. Now my brain will have room for other more important stuff. Despite his glowing nether regions on this lamp, it’s a pretty cool piece of interior frighting. You guy readers should get one. Because every Gar-boy needs a Gar-goyle! I totally nailed that one! Usually I just staple gun it. Or even thumb tack it.

Skull With Brain Electric Candle Holder

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Skull With Brain Electric Candle Holder
This Skull With Brain Electric Candle Holder is a really bright idea. No wonder the light bulb above his head is lighting up. It takes brains to come up with an idea like this and this guy has brains. I know because they;re exposed and a candlestick just happens to be shoved in there. This is an awesome and creepy electric candle. The very definition of interior frighting. I know because I looked it up in my 53rd edition Cobwebs and Creepery dictionary. It had a picture of this thing.

I bet those brains look great by candlelight. Someone said the same thing about me once, but that was a zombie who was trying to invite me to dinner.
Read more “Skull With Brain Electric Candle Holder”

Dracula And Coffin Statue

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Dracula And Coffin Statue
This Dracula And Coffin Statue is the perfect gift for the vampire that has everything. Because now he can have a statue that shows him doing his vampire thing. Sometimes he’s in the coffin taking a little nap like Naps-feratu, sometimes you can display him awake and just hanging out by the coffin. This gift might even make your blood-drinking friend realize how lame their life is.

Life is about more than just a coffin you know. Maybe set an alarm so you don’t sleep all day long. By the way, have you looked for a job this week? We’ve had this talk before. You are what? 3000 years old and sleeping all hours of the day, out all night and you can’t even be bothered to do your chores around the house? You better shape up old man!

Edgar Allan Pendant, I Mean Edgar Allan Poe

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Edgar Allan Pendant, I Mean Edgar Allan Poe
Have you ever seen a cooler Edgar Allan Poe Pendant? No you haven’t. Poe-lease! He was quite the ladies man so I’m sure he won’t mind nestling into your bosom as you go about your business, his head swinging around. What I’m saying is that your cleavage is the pit and he is the pendulum. Heh. That was just a little literary joke.

Is it just me or does he look like he belongs in the Addams family? I think I read somewhere that he is a member of the Addams family, but they left him in the Lurch! Still, that’s better than being left to Fester! Ha. I crack myself up. And thanks to the safety of the internet, you can’t throw rotten vegetables at me. I win again!

Set of 4 Classic Horror Movies Tile Coasters

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Set of 4 Classic Horror Movies Tile Coasters
This Set of 4 Classic Horror Movies Tile Coasters has a cool “tumbled” look. So do I. Just got done rolling around on the floor with a beautiful girl. *Fixes my hair while out of breath.* That’s only because I love that cat and she wanted to play the ribbon game and chase it around for awhile. Sheesh. Don’t make it dirty. Where was I? No, I mean in the article about the monster coasters. I know where I am physically. I didn’t get amnesia. Can we just focus on these cool tiles? Thank you.

These coasters look awesome. I’ve always wanted to set my drinks on small movie monster posters like I was some rich movie mogul. Now I can. You gotta love that art. That Creature from the Black Lagoon poster? This is exactly how women see me as I am checking them out. So I can definitely relate. It’s a good thing that creature never got put on trial at the end of that movie. You know why? He would be found Gill-ty. HAhahahaha You walked right into that one like an upturned rake I left in the yard. Been waiting for someone to step on that. About time.