This Star Trek menstrual pad is ready and waiting. You decide Captain Kirk’s destiny. Will you make him the first Captain in Starfleet history to go from a gold shirt to a red shirt?
Kirk to Spock. I know we are supposed to go where no man has gone before, but I’m pretty sure other’s have been here. Personal log…It’s also…*hand gesture* very…dark…and wet. I want to beam out, but is she green? If she’s green, I’ll stay. Is that wrong? Spock? Hello?
The 7 deadly sins. I have done and survived all of ’em. But I didn’t look that sexy doing ’em! Look at those gams! Holy cow! I used to be a butt man, but now I’m a leg man. She transformed me, just like that. You have some powerful legs, Miss Etsy model tease. Man I envy you-
Score! Did it again. I am breaking these commandments like a Kit-Kat Bar. Oh snap! Did it again. That would be gluttony for all of you keeping score at home. Cause I had like 10 Kit-Kats already today. That is also greed. Just layin’ here eaten ’em up. All sloth-like. Boo-Ya! You…Just…Can’t…Stop…Me!
Looking for a new purse? You better hoof it to the store and pay like crazy money for the latest and greatest pieces that bear expensive names who wouldn’t even shake hands with the likes of you. And besides, those un-calloused hands are too busy whipping their slave labor.
Screw that jazz. Just head over to Ebay and buy a purse that looks like it will run away as soon as you set it down. Hey, where ya going with my lipstick? The hoof purse is just $110 and if somebody ever tries to steal it, they are gonna get some serious kicks from animal hooves as you swing this thing. Seriously, the cops will identify the perp by the hoof marks on his weaselly face.
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Hey baby, you know you wanna let my face all up in there. Twice. Pay the $45. You’re worth it.
Gosling? Isn’t that like a baby goose or something? Whatevs. Enjoy him all up in your bidness.
This Toilet Paper Necklace from Etsy is pretty cool. Even though it looks like it would only give a really tiny person like 3 wipes. 1 if you’ve been hitting the Taco Bell a lot.
I would wear it to remind me to buy TP. I’m always forgetting. Just ask my once proud Scientific American magazine collection about that! I’m getting really tired of wiping my ass with inventor’s diagrams and pictures of the latest stealth aircraft. Yeah, my trash teaches dumpster divers to get a f***ing job and stop being a cheap-ass.
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