Tag: etsy

Zombie Brain Christmas Ornaments With Spinal Cords

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Zombie Brain Christmas Ornaments With Spinal Cords
Brains! Brains! Brains! Wait, what was I saying? Oh yeah, I need some head-flesh. Some Zombie Brain Christmas Ornaments for my Christmas tree. If you know a zombie who celebrates Xmas, these ornaments are for them. They can just pick them off the tree and eat them like candy. Which isn’t recommended for mere humans.

They won’t make your tree any smarter. If anything, decorating your tree with these during the winter months will lead to brain freeze. See what I did there?
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Squid Plush Body Pillows

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Giant Squid Plush Body Pillows
It’s a squid party on the couch and everyone’s invited. Everyone with tentacles that is. You can have your very own squid squad, which sounds like an awesome underwater buddy cop show. I can’t wait to see the pilot. Well, hello Ms. Calamari, so glad you could make it. Squidworth my man, how are you? Give me five…multiple times. I’m just squid-ding around with ya. Don’t spit at me. Think before you ink my brotha! We all gonna Netflix and chill? Not like that my man. You crazy. We’re just gonna hang and have a good time.

When you have a bunch of squid, you’ve either got a party or a dinner. These Giant Squid Plush Body Pillows make it a party. Fill up your couch and snuggle with them all night long. Just don’t cuddle too long. Things get weird. Is it an adult activity at that point? I’m not judging. Just be aware that it’s a fine line between innocence and a weird, plush squid orgy.

I’m Not One To Brag Underwear

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I'm Not One To Brag Underwear
I’m not one to brag, but check out my new underwear. Woo-Hoo. It’s got a ruler on it so I can do home improvement in my underwear. Gets sweaty and hot when you’re doing man stuff. Sometimes the cops come when you’re on the roof with a beer and a hammer.

You do know that’s not for measuring stuff when fixing the house right?

Huh? You’re just jealous of my cool new underwear.

It’s for measuring your wing-wang.

*Stops cold.* Really?

Why do you think the cops keep coming? It’s because you keep rubbing your junk against stuff to get measurements. Are you fixing the roof or dry humping it?

Fair enough. Also, I don’t think these are my size, cuz my wing-wang ain’t measuring up.

Black Octopus Purse

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Octopus Purse
This Black Octopus Purse is the ultimate accessor-sea. It has enough tentacles to hold all of your stuff and never let go. Best of all it won’t spit ink in your face whenever you go to get your lipstick. Put a padlock on it and ya got a lock-topus. Store your frock inside and ya got a frock-topus. The possibilities are endless as the sea. You’ll love that you can high five it’s mighty tentacles.

Octopi are pretty smart creatures. It might even hand you the stuff you need. Pretty cool.

Life Sized Velociraptor Hatching From An Egg

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Life Sized Velociraptor Hatching From An Egg
Jumping Jurassic Jeepers! A Life Sized Velociraptor Hatching From An Egg. This thing is going to look awesome in my living room. I’m gonna put a little top hat on him. A life sized dinosaur is better than a tiny one, cuz you don’t want to step on it. Then what you’ve got is a Ve-splosh-ciraptor. It’s also a real Jurassic mess to clean up.

This guy or gal is freshly hatched from his egg, with some added egg birth goo stuff. Nice touch. Man, if we were the Flintstones, we’d be buying these by the dozen and frying up dinosaur eggs with Brontosaurus burgers. But it isn’t. All we eat are lousy chicken eggs. I want to eat an egg from something that can kill me. Oh yeah, salmonella. Never mind. This guy was just born and looks like he already wants to kill you.