It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again… You will want to put the lotion on when it comes from this Creepy Aged Human Skull Soap Lotion Dispenser. Mr. soapy skull here is more than happy to pump out the lotion. I would suggest using a red liquid of some kind, so it looks like brains, but that’s just me. I got problems.
Tag: novelty
Mummified Palmistry Hand
Fun story: I thought I was an apprentice practicing palmistry for like two years one time. Turns out I was actually doing what they call “shoplifting”. That’s why I don’t trust gypsies. Anyway, now I know better. Palmistry also will not make you go blind, no matter how many times you do it. That’s a common misconception. It is the art of evaluating a person`s character or future by reading the palm of their hand. I plan on buying this Mummified Palmistry Hand and making a fortune.
*Puts on my gypsy gear.* Take your hands from your pockets. Let me see your palm. Hmmmm. I sense that you are a craftsman. Do you work with a saw? I see a horrible accident that has claimed both your hands!
What was your first clue? The fact that my wrists end in stumps? Or that I have no palm to read?
I was right! Yes! Hey- Why does a guy with no palms enter a Palm Reading shop? And how did you turn the doorknob and open the door?
*The hand-less man suddenly sprouts hands from his coat sleeves, and rips off his mask to reveal an old and gnarled woman, cackling like mad.*
YOU!
*The crazy woman runs out of the shop.*
Damn you gypsy! Why does this kind of thing keep happening to me?
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Scary Monster Marionettes
Hey guys, let’s put on a puppet show. I know where we can get some cool and creepy marionettes. Marry Annette? I barely know her! Ohhhh marionettes. Now I get it. These Scary Monster Marionettes from CzechMarionettes are like the Muppets on steroids. I don’t mean they’re buff and strong, I mean they’re scary and awesome.
I’m gonna get the two grumpiest ones and have them make wisecracks from the balcony, while the others are on stage playing guitar and stuff. The seller has a bunch of neat marionettes. I’m gonna go make the cardboard sets. You guys come over when you’re ready. Don’t leave me hanging okay?
Set of 4 Minimalist Scary Movie Mask Shot Glasses
Give me a shot bartender! I just seen something that scared me senseless and I can’t stop shaking. *Looks around me all nervous. Bartender pours the drink. Sets it in front of me, using a glass from this Set of 4 Minimalist Scary Movie Mask Shot Glasses. I shriek like a banshee.*
Why you screaming?
Because that’s what I saw. The face on the glass! The scream ghost guy!
*He pours another. I scream like Justin Bieber faced with an actual woman.*
What’s your problem now bud?
Tha- That rabbit face on the glass. He was with the scream ghost guy.
*Pours another. I scream.*
What the hell? I gave you a blank glass this time.
*Wipes the glass until it’s clear.* Oh thank god. That smudge mark looked like my ex-wife!
UFO Art Pottery – The Truth Is Out There
Man, there’s just not enough alien/UFO art pottery. Thank Xenu that CommonGroundPottery is making weird and cool UFO stuff for your home. They look like stuff that an archaeologist dug up, while proving that we have been visited before. In fact, I dare somebody to prove that we have not been visited before. I’ve been visited by the cable guy, a UPS driver, a Jehovah’s Witness, and some kid selling candy bars for his school. And that was just this week. So yeah! Case proven!
I love the saucer shaped pieces that show the pilots in the cockpit. *Giggles* I said cockpit. If you have two aliens in a cockpit, I guess you know what that makes them. Two c**ks in a cockpit. Why do you think they call it that? That’s where c**ks go. Just being honest. I hope they don’t have a sword fight in there. I’m concerned cuz it’s a small area,with delicate equipment.
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