Holy Jeebus! This Fist Of Jesus Action Figure rocks. Jesus is back and this time it’s personal! He comes complete with his fishbone sword weapon and blood splattered robe. The chosen one is here to lay down the smack. He came to turn water into wine and to kick ass. And he’s all out of water! Those who cross the son of god will soon find out he is a son of a- Shut your mouth! Just talkin’ bout Jesus!
Soon to be a major motion picture! No doubt.
Read more “Fist Of Jesus Action Figure”
The Ribcage Hand Tooled Leather Skeleton Corset Belt will make it look like you are getting a permanent X-Ray. Every guy who checks you out will want diagnose you. Can’t be helped. Just trying to be helpful and spot any potential problems.
Can you step in front of that light please? *studies the ribs* Hmmmm. Interesting. *calls another guy over* What do you think of that? I agree, that could be a problem. Now get out of here. I need some alone time with the patient. I suggest we operate right away, because I’m a smooth operator. Surgeon? No, I’m no surgeon honey. I thought you said, “Sir, gin”. So, where’s my gin? Nevermind. I’ll have to operate quickly, making it as painless as possible. You other guys can watch and learn. *Clears throat* Well, hello there. Can I have your number? See, you’ve got my heart all locked up in your ribcage. I think we can sort this out by getting together this Saturday night. *Wiggles eyebrows*
Read more “Ribcage Hand Tooled Leather Skeleton Corset Belt”
These Planetary Lollipops mix hard candy with hard science. Mostly not. Mostly it’s your mouth acting like a black hole as you lick and devour every planet into nothingness. Imagine what a gooey delight the Earth is going to be with all of the chewy nougat that is the sea life and people and animals. Yummy. And Uranus? I can only imagine how good that will taste. I- Haha. Walked right into that one.
Hey, you’re not allowed to laugh at me. Only I’m allowed to laugh at me. At least I didn’t say the molten core of Uranus tasted good running over my tongue. I was saving that for Saturn.
Anyway this is probably the only time it will ever be safe to eat Mercury and if you want to see Jupiter Ascending, watch it ascend into your mouth.
Oh my stars and garters! Whatever that means. All I know is that this Limited Edition Classic Monster Garter Belt is sexy time with monsters, which as it happens is also the name of my new band. Basically the idea is that we get up on stage and dry hump a bunch of monster props. I’m in charge of the mummy and boy am I chaffing right now. Who’s got some Goldbond powder? No one? Itchy itchy ouch ouch!
Since this thing is a limited edition, you know that your girl is going to be one of the select few covering her Universal monster with another universal monster. Aaahoooooo! Werewolves of lingerie Aaahooooooooooo!
Etsy seller ABSDistributors makes all kinds of cool custom LEGO toys, but the best are these fast food buildings, so your minifigs can go in and eat, get all fat like Americans do. Hey, I’m not knocking it. I’m an American and I’m stuffing my face as I write this, even if it is hard to see the letters on my keyboard thanks to a thick dusting of Cheeto particulate.
They have replica interiors and everything. Once you put your minifigs inside that McDonalds, it will be so realistic that you’ll be complaining about how the kid behind the counter is a dumbass and why is it taking a half hour for one Big Mac and an order of fries anyway? Look, can I speak to your manager? I can’t play with these things. I’m getting way too stressed just thinking about it. WTF! I didn’t order a Sprite! My whole day is ruined now. Why is it so hard to get the order right?
That’s it! I’m dismantling the whole damn thing and putting up an Arbys.
Read more “These LEGO Fast Food Buildings Are Making Me Hungry”