Tag: decor

Pet Zombie Plant Garden Starter Kit

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

pet zombie garden kitI always wanted to grow my own zombie. Now I can thanks to this Pet Zombie Plant Garden Starter Kit. I can’t wait to grow him real big and cut off his head! Why else ya gonna grow a zombie? It’s all about practice for the zombie apocalypse.

Growing a zombie has gotta work out better than that time I bought that Batman figure that was supposed to grow six times it’s size. I took it out of the package and waited. Nothing. DID NOT grow. Just stood there being a weenie sized Batman. So I got pissed off and flushed it down the toilet.

Big mistake. Two hours later I hear this gurgling and groaning sound like two epic foes are fighting deep inside the pipes. Next thing you know the toilet explodes and Batman bursts out, all intertwined with Clayface as they battle.

Long story short, that was poo, not Clayface. And I really should read instructions. *Facepalm* He grows in Water! That’s how I acquired my limited edition poo armored Batman figure with authentic Gotham sewer scent.
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Alien Abduction Soap Dispenser

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ufo soapFinally there is a soap dispenser that will wash away the stink of alien abduction. Because the way things are right now you can scrub and scrub and never feel clean. This soap dispenser was designed by Duncan Shotton. This UFO soap dispenser displays an alien abduction as it is happening. One version has the aliens stealing a human, the other a cow.

No matter which version you choose, your hands will be nice and clean even if you want to scream on the inside and remove your alien implant with a steak knife.
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The Skull Chair Awaits It’s Next Victim

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

skull chairWhat manner of skulduggery is this? You mean this is a skull that I can actually sit in? I think those teeth might hurt my butt. That guy looks pretty comfortable though. He’s just chilling, reading the sales circulars. He looks so relaxed he appears to be on the verge of dropping a Cleveland Steamer, but he forgot to take those mailman shorts off. That’s gonna be messy.

Okay. Looks comfy. I’ll take one. And I promise not to get so relaxed that I poop myself. It doesn’t have a tongue right? I’m not playing some weird fanny tickle game with my furniture.
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Sit Your Full Moon On This Werewolf Rug

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werewolf rugAaahoo! Werewolves of London! Don’t wait for a full moon to get a Werewolf rug like this one. I don’t know about you, but I am in no shape to be chasing a Werewolf down anyway. Plus, I’m fresh out of silver bullets. Why do you need a gun to fire a silver bullet at a Werewolf anyway?

Werewolves are all about the hunger. So all you have to do is dangle a chicken carcass in the woods and wait. I would put the silver bullet into the carcass or maybe inside of a bologna sandwich. Werewolves love them some sandwiches. Most hairy beasts do. Myself included. Once he tears into that food, he’s gonna bite the bullet and now you got yourself a new rug.

But does it change into a human rug and then back again during a full moon? Because you don’t want company over with a dead human laid out on the floor. Murder charges can’t be far behind.
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Oh Snap!: Rubber Band Pillow

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rubber band pillowThis Rubber Band Pillow looks so comfy and squishy. I just want someone to lay their head on it so I can start snapping rubber bands against their noggin.

This pillow is made with a rainbow of upcycled rubber bands. I want to touch it. Snap it all day long. Test it’s bounciness by throwing it at someone. Only $75.