Tag: coasters

Ouija Board Wooden Serving Tray with Planchette Coasters

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Ouija Board Wooden Serving Tray with Planchette Coasters
This Ouija Board Wooden Serving Tray with Planchette Coasters is a great way to serve guests during a seance or just everyday.

Your dinner is ready sir.

Thank you Jeeves. You know what to do next.

*Jeeves sighs* Did you have any questions sir?

In fact I do my good man. One simple question. Will I enjoy this dinner?

*Jeeves moves the planchette around my hamburger and fries, until the spirits make it hover over YES* All good sir. You will enjoy.

Excellent Jeeves. That will be all. *Fits napkin inside my collar. Slices into my burger with a knife and fork as my pinky strays carefree. Tastes it. Swirling it around on my tongue. Spits it out!* Damn that lying witches tool! Come here Jeeves, this instant!

Heart Anatomy Coasters

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Heart Anatomy Coasters
When people come to my house and have a drink, I break out these sweet Heart Anatomy Coasters and I start singing, all like, “I’m gonna harden my heart. I’m gonna swallow my tears. Gonna turn and le-heave yo-hoo here ah ah.” Then I put the Yoo-hoo on the coaster, cuz I’m all about avoiding spillage.

Sometimes I’ll be all like “Don’t go breakin’ my heart.” And then they’ll be all like, “I couldn’t if I tried.” Then I’m like, “Honey if I get restless…” And they answer, “Baby you’re not that type.” And they’re right, so we just leave it at that.
Read more “Heart Anatomy Coasters”

Set of 4 Classic Horror Movies Tile Coasters

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Set of 4 Classic Horror Movies Tile Coasters
This Set of 4 Classic Horror Movies Tile Coasters has a cool “tumbled” look. So do I. Just got done rolling around on the floor with a beautiful girl. *Fixes my hair while out of breath.* That’s only because I love that cat and she wanted to play the ribbon game and chase it around for awhile. Sheesh. Don’t make it dirty. Where was I? No, I mean in the article about the monster coasters. I know where I am physically. I didn’t get amnesia. Can we just focus on these cool tiles? Thank you.

These coasters look awesome. I’ve always wanted to set my drinks on small movie monster posters like I was some rich movie mogul. Now I can. You gotta love that art. That Creature from the Black Lagoon poster? This is exactly how women see me as I am checking them out. So I can definitely relate. It’s a good thing that creature never got put on trial at the end of that movie. You know why? He would be found Gill-ty. HAhahahaha You walked right into that one like an upturned rake I left in the yard. Been waiting for someone to step on that. About time.

Alien Coasters Abduct Stains From Your Surfaces

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Alien Coasters Abduct Stains From Your Surfaces
The truth is out there. No, really. Everyone knows. And the truth is that your counters and surfaces are nasty. Is that a pool of bright neon glue on your table or year old Mountain Dew? Also, there appears to be a fly stuck in amber on your coffee table. That amber looks a lot like spilled-beer build-up.

Anyhow, ya gotta love that title I put on this post. Alien Coasters Abduct Stains From Your Surfaces. Do I mean furniture or the surfaces of my body, since I just spilled soda all over my shirt? I have no idea. Basically a monkey could run this blog and sometimes he does when I’m passed out in front of the TV with a mouthful of Cheetos and Netflix asking if I’m still watching. Is he any good? Depends. I mean he needs some. He’s really good at leaving s**t in my chair and drawing on my face with sharpie. But he does use a coaster.

Area 51 Coasters: The Truth Is Out There

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Area 51 Coasters The Truth Is Out There
I’d like to tell you about these Area 51 Coasters, but the place doesn’t officially exist. Nope. There’s nothing there but desert. If you think you saw something it was only a mirage. That’s what the nice men wearing black told me. Yep. So that’s how it is. I didn’t see anything. I was never there. Those men were never here questioning me. They said so. I never saw no stinking UFO wreckage, there was no alien corpse and if I think there was, that’s gonna be the end of me.