Now you can have a Nessie sighting with every meal. And you will even have proof. Who said Nessie wasn’t real? Just throw your current ladle out right now. This is the best ladle ever.
It has 4 little legs that stand it upright on your counter and it will look just like Nessie as it sits inside your soup. Make sure you take a pic every time and alert the tabloids!
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Etsy seller shaynegreco has all kinds of housewares with horrible things crawling all over them. Mostly sea creatures. The only time I’ve seen crabs this size crawling on plates was when I visited that “Gentleman’s club/ Diner” in New Orleans. (Bad combination. Do NOT recommend.) At least these won’t be moving and they won’t require a doctor in a hazmat suit to shut down the premises.
This seller has Octopi on platters, crabs on china and other monstrosities that don’t belong on your dishware. Every time you serve yourself on these creepy plates you are fighting creatures for your food. Get off Lobster! Mine! Go find Nemo and leave my food alone!
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Dogs do it. Cats do it. You should too. I’m not talking about licking your own butt while you stick your leg in the air like some carnival freak. I am talking about cleaning yourself. With your tongue. Your soap tongue. This Human Tongue Soap will get you clean, but may leave you feeling dirty.
It’s perfect for bathing with your partner. Hey, can you tongue under my arms? I have some serious BO. Also, my butt is really dirty today. It needs some extra tongue. Yeah right there. That’s a little tongue in cheek humor, right there.
You can also get the “With Teeth” soap dish shown to go with it if you want to be really weird.
This Zombie Toilet Brush and Zombie Head Holder Set is just what you need to keep a clean toilet during the zombie apocalypse. And you have a lot to keep clean ever since you made the local gas station restroom your HQ.
You’ll be sitting and squeezing in the last stall on the right, cramping up something fierce as you try to unload your cargo after 4 burritos and a Mountain Dew. And those zombies pushing at the barred door aren’t making it any easier to unleash your crap kraken. But rest easy knowing that as soon as you drop that load of diarrhea like a mud meteor, you can walk over to that door nice and calm, open it and shoot some corpses dead again until all is quiet. Then you can clean up the mess you made all over that stall and seeping into the next, with this toilet brush set and vow to eat better.
Sadly, you won’t be wiping between your mud-flaps since the nearest toilet paper is 2 towns away. But at least your restroom HQ is a little cleaner.
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Etsy seller Kreatworks creates all kinds of awesome and scary alien sculptures. Most of them cost way more than I have saved in my piggybank. I know, because I just busted the thing open and counted it all up before walking down the street and spending my life savings on a Kit Kat bar. Well, THAT was a tasty retirement! Back to work now!
Anyway, this Alien Xenomorph Queen Lamp is all kinds of scary and awesome. It will totally watch you all night long as you watch it back, until you are a nervous wreck and hiding under the blankets, cursing the fact that you soiled yourself.
Lesson learned. Some things are just too scary to have in your bedroom. The next morning you decide that it would look much better in your toddler’s room.
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