Tag: creature

Critter Trophy Head Replica

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Critter Trophy Head
This Critter Trophy Head Replica is going to look good in your home. There’s nothing like a critter above your sh*ter. As long as they aren’t coming from the toilet we’re all good. These guys are seriously messed up. The only species in the galaxy that failed to evolve toward basic dental care. C’mon… I’m not gonna make a joke about the British. You guys…

I’ll put this critter on the wall and act all tough like I shot it myself, when really I hid in some bushes while my Safari guide took it down. That’s one thing you have to know about me, I’ll only talk tough and brave when I already have your head on the wall.

Krampus Christmas Wreaths: Ho Ho…No!

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Krampus Christmas Wreaths
These Krampus Christmas Wreaths are pretty cool. Ho Ho No! They are from Etsy seller FantasyClayFlowers. Krampus punishes naughty children during Christmas. Not to be confused by my grandfather aka Grampus, who likes to take his teeth out and torture kids on Christmas. Fun fact: I always thought Krampus was spelled Crampus and only came out once a month so that women could torment men as revenge for cramps. The wife’s been nice for awhile, so basically, myth busted.

Hmmm. If you get a tramp stamp of Krampus, you have a Trampus. Something to think about. I’ll give you one, you give me one, cool? Hey! You gave me Grampus! WTF! Not cool!

On second thought, they do kinda look the same. Except Krampus has teeth.
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Squirrel In Underpants Ornament

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Squirrel In Underpants Ornament
I see London, I see France, I see a Squirrel In Underpants. And some things you can’t un-see. You would be nuts not to have this Squirrel In Underpants Ornament on your Christmas tree. Are you looking for nuts, Squirrel? Check that elastic waistband and I bet you find two. This guy looks pretty happy to just be chillin’ in his briefs. Chillin’ on your tree. Occasionally scratchin’ himself in his underwear. Actin’ all Squirrelly.

This ornament is for my kind of Christmas. I would be sitting in my chair in my underwear, staring at him. He would be in his underwear staring at me from the tree. Then the guy in his underwear outside would be staring at us both- What the hell? Who invited that guy?

Anywho, animals in underwear are better than animals bare. That’s what I always say. Which is why I like to venture into the forest and underwear all the critters at night.

Octopus + Pug Dog = Octopug Necklace

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Octopus + Pug Dog = Octopug Necklace
This Octopug Necklace combines two weird things that frighten me, natures Octopus and Natures Pug Dog. Fun fact: Octopi are the only pie I’m scared of. I’ll eat anything else up in a second. The Octopug is nature’s latest mutant creation. It is absolutely Pugnacious! (Just proving I can too use big words, even if I am just guessing at the meaning cuz I heard it somewhere.)

*Wears my new necklace as I walk around town all cool-like* Sup? Pug life yo! Check out my bling bling. I am so awesomely cool now. Thank you dog-tentacled thing!

Cthulhu Cat And Owl Cat Figurines

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cthulhu owl and cat
Cthulhu Cat and Owl Cat. These best mutant buds are cops that make their own rules. One is a loose cannon, the other is two weeks from retirement. And Cthulhu cat is getting too old for this shizz. These are the cats of the future right here. Fukushima was just the beginning. Felines are gonna evolve in all kinds of crazy ways. Just like my cat has evolved to eat all of the food off of my plate if I walk away for a minute. That’s a bad fluffy.

If you want something even weirder, the seller will make one just for you. Although I don’t know what’s weirder than H.P. Furcraft and Meow-Owl over here.
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